Teach Me To Be Gay (BoyxBoy)

Part Nineteen

It's safe to say that I'm feeling pretty good. I mean, things have been going okay since the date I took Kade on. He seemed to enjoy it, which obviously has me over the moon, and despite having those few moments where I think I feel someone watching me, or I see something out of the ordinary, things have been okay.

And since Kade and I are both completely exhausted since yesterdays date, we've decided to spend the whole day inside, alone. Nothing can go wrong when all we're doing is sitting at home alone, right? Right, everything'll be fine.

And here comes the anxiety again. I mean, I swear I'm being freaking watched so I think the anxiety kind of has a place here right now. Instead of focusing on it, I try to think of something else. And so I let my mind wonder back to last night and the date. The way Kade had looked at me, a gleam in his eye before I caved and asked what he was thinking. Apparently that was the fourth lesson; taking your guy out on a date. I guess it makes me realise how I still have only taken him on one date.

Which means that, of course, I'll have to plan another one soon. Maybe a week or two, then another date will be practically begging for us to take us from the list of dates. Not that there is a list of dates. I mean, that'd be weird.

Getting rid of my slightly mad thoughts, I roll over, ready to wrap my arm around Kade and hold him tight. The space beside me is empty, and it takes me a moment to remember that Kade and I generally don't sleep in the same bed. So, I get up out of bed and walk down the hallway, cursing it's creaking floorboards, before walking into Kade's room, thankful that the door is already open, before getting into bed besides Kade and draping my arm over his waist.

He mumbles something in his sleep, making me freeze for a moment, before I hear his deep breaths again, indicating he's asleep still. I let out a sigh of relief, before snuggling slightly closer to Kade. My guy.

After a while of just laying there, I feel my eyelids fluttering closed and thoughts escaping me, as I let myself begin to fall asleep. When I feel Kade shuffling besides me though, I'm automatically awake again.

I feel a weight lift off the bed as the mattress moves slightly, from Kade standing up, probably trying to retreat without waking me. Except, I'm already awake, so I guess that plan failed a little. I stretch an arm out, letting him know that I am awake, and I swear everything goes silent. The creaking of the floorboards stops and I think I can hear a quick, sharp intake of breath come from Kade, before... silence. And it makes me chuckles slightly, because everyone has been in that moment where they don’t want to wake someone, the person moves slightly, and they just stand dead still, because there’s a chance this person could be awake and they don’t want to be at fault. And that’s what’s happening now.

"Kade, I'm awake." My words come out as this mumble that I don't think is possible to comprehend, so when Kade lets out a shakey sigh and gradually makes his way back to me, I'm a little surprised that he actually understood them. He kneels beside the bed as I open my eyes and flash him a smile, which he happily returns before surprising me by reaching over and beginning to tickle me.

I immediately let out a tired, yet surprised laugh, as his fingers graze over my skin. Soon enough, I'm laughing so much I feel a few tears in the corners of my eyes, and let out a scream of; "Kade, get the fuck off me, man!" whilst still laughing, which means that he probably doesn't even understand what I said... Or he just chose to ignore me anyway and continue tickling me.

"Kade, stop!" But I'm laughing. I still can't keep myself from laughing as he continues to tickle me, somwhere along the line getting into a position where he's straddling me. And so of course, he won't take my serious.

But for some reason, soon I feel him stop. My eyes are closed as my laughing begins to die down and Kade just stops moving, he fingers frozen, before I feel one finger trail so lightly down my cheek - I can barely feel it, but I do.

I open my mouth, ready to ask what he's doing, and my eyes even begin to flicker open, but I stop. Because Kade's lips are now on my own, distracting me from everything. As our lips move in sync with each other's, our tongues meeting in a fit of pure happiness, and our hands trailing slowly into each other's hair, I think I hear something. I groan, my lips still locked to Kade's, as I realise that my phone has just gone off in the other room. A text. A stupid fucking text to ruin the moment.

But Kade doesn't move off of me, he continues to kiss me. And I say a mental 'fuck it' to whoever dared to try and interrupt us, deciding that it can wait. Except, there's this knott in my stomach that's making me dread the idea of leaving this text alone, but also making me dread the idea of having to read it.

Aah, shit, I'm going crazy. That's it. I. Am. Going. Crazy. There's no doubt about it. Because how would I have any idea what's gonna be in a text message? What's the worst that can happen anyway?

I mean... Someone could've figured out- I push Kade off me in a rush, hoping that I am in fact going insane. Going insane would be so much better than what I'm thinking could possibly be in that text. I really, really hope that this isn't what I'm thinking.

I'm off the bed and out the door, moving faster than I think I have ever moved before. And when I get to my room, I search around for my phone, throwing the sheets everywhere and just desperately trying to get ahold of that phone.

"Justin! Man, calm the fuck down." I feel Kade's hand latching around my arm. But of course, I push him away in a desperate attempt to find my damned phone. When I finally find it, I grab ahold of it, my fingers moving too quickly to try and open my text messages.

Kade's trying to talk to me, I know he is. He pushes me onto the bed, trying to get my attention. A minute ago, I would've pushed him away, tried to get him off of me. Now though, it feels as if all energy has left me as everything in that one message flitters through my mind.

My eyes are filling with tears, I can't see anything. But I can imagine Kade looking down on me. I think he's shouting at me, trying to get my attention. But his voice sounds so distant. Like a whisper, even though I can just about make out his frame above me.

I can't do this.