people ask me how i chose thomas. why i chose him. and my answer has varied but always includes "i love him". and i do. i'm not someone that can just fool around. i over analyze every aspect of a person, i compare their faults to mine, their weaknesses and strengths. i imagine kids and pets and where we'd live and how we'd parent. i live our life before i give in to the whole "love" game. i lived our life k. and it was beautiful and it was safe but it was unrealistic. the fault was that i loved you more than you loved me and it ripped me apart. so i didn't choose you, i chose my safest option. and then life happened and i looked at us and realized i couldn't. i couldn't keep you in my life, constantly reminding me of that life i couldn't have. not that i'm unhappy with the one i've got, but the small possibility of us can really darken a mood. and you, i always held you on a pedestal like some sort of goddess, i adored you. i adored you until i realized you adored no one but yourself. you claim to help people and heal people but you just make people feel like shit with your manipulation. i didn't want that around my child. i didn't see a life with you in it. and i'm better now
