Searching for love

3

I stared at the white wall that faced me. I sighed deeply and sank deeper into the water, pushing my head downwards into the water for a few seconds before rising back up. The water which had been hot moments ago was now like ice. I realized then that I had been in the bath a lot longer than I had thought. Gingerly I made my way out of the cold water and wrapped a fluffy towel around myself and padded out of the bathtub. I stared back at my reflection in the mirror, meeting the blue-eyed stare of mine. Was I really giving off signs of isolation and desperation? Was I so alone that I would have to orchestrate a murder attempt of myself? Did people really get so lonely and desperate? I thought back to my meeting with the detective. I had been furious and humiliated when he had posed that question and in that anger and frustration I blurted out way too much information about what was going on in my life and how I had never felt so alone but that even I wouldn't stoop that low before storming out there not meeting the gaze of the deputy or detective. I had told them that I wanted nothing to do with the investigation and to keep me out of the loop and not bother me about it anymore.

As I tore through the garlic bread that I had nearly burnt off I muttered angrily to myself. I had to get myself together sooner rather than later. True, I was a workaholic and there was nothing wrong with that but I needed to get a life. Talk to people, make friends, be normal. I never really let myself be happy or live freely. What was I hiding from? As I asked myself that question I knew I already knew that answer but decided to ignore it. There was no point in thinking about things that would never be answered and only cause me more pain and confusion. In complete silence, I cleared the kitchen and silently made my way to my bed. Each footstep and breath I took seemed amplified in the empty and lonely apartment.

Bang! I shrieked and fell backward onto my back as glass shards flew and blood spurted out of my arm and burst into agony. I hissed clutching my arm and looked towards the direction of the commotion. My window had a giant hole. I desperately crawled to my kitchen island as more bullets hailed into my apartment, sending glass and debris into my apartment as I covered my ears and cowered behind my island shaking in fear and exhaustion. I could feel the blood and energy leaving my body with every second that passed. I had to call the police and with those thoughts, I reached for my phone with the last bit of energy I had left and collapsed onto the floor without reaching my goal. Would the detective think I did this to prove him wrong? Those were the last thoughts I remembered thinking before being enveloped in darkness.

The familiar sound of the beeping of the hospital machines awoke me. My head spun as I opened my eyes and attempted to sit up. My arm felt heavy and useless and I groaned in agony. I reached for some water and chugged it down in a rush. I rested against my pillow catching my breath as I recalled what exactly brought me here. I had been shot at. What was going on in my life? My once quiet and uneventful life had evolved into a dangerous and treacherous territory that shook the very roots of my living. I turned to look at the window and observed the stream of cars rushing. I looked at the clock placed directly above the door in front of me. Hmmm, it was 9:00 a.m. Looked like I had passed out and awoke on a Monday morning? I sighed heavily and closed my eyes. True I wanted my life to be more exciting and be filled with more meaning but this is not what I asked for. I did not want to live a life where I would constantly be worried about dying. Wait a minute...why was I even being targeted? Who was trying to kill me? I don't have any enemies. I live such a boring life that I have never had a drama with anyone. The only person I used to argue with was my mom and she's dead. I go to work and come home. I don't have any friends or family. I tried to think back if I ever offended anyone that badly that they would want me dead. After much thinking, I came up blank.

Just as I decided to lay down and get some sleep my door opened and a doctor came in followed with the oh so lovely detective. "Ah! Looks like our patient is awake! How are you feeling", said the doctor as he approached me? He was a different doctor than last time. A little younger with less graying hair and a much kinder face. Instantly I felt relaxed around him. I smiled and said, "Hmm let's see. I feel like I've been shot recently but other than that, I am in perfect condition". He smiled back and checked my temperature and other medical things which I didn't understand. Once he was done he said, "You lost a lot of blood, but luckily the bullet was a clean shot that didn't hit any major arteries and veins. You will feel lethargic and sore for which I have prescribed pain killers. You will probably be discharged tomorrow. Do you have any questions for me?"