Searching for love

23

I headed to the lab with a large coffee mug in my hand. I had spent all night setting up security tapes and monitors in Ellie's house as well as the office. I had given access to the entire team so it would be easy to monitor and access that information. However, only the four of us could see that information so to gain access we had retina eye scans. I was pretty proud of my work. I had more work to do though like fine-tuning the schedule and other security procedures. Once I would be done with that I would have to move onto handling the research security which was already done but maintaining and going over it was important as well. Waiting for me in the lab was Javier. I sent him home to go rest and get some sleep after he handed me his report of last night's whereabouts. I scanned over the documents noticing that Ellie had stayed over at Eren's. Huh? Weird. Even though Een had dated her sister... Were these two in a relationship or something after her death? What was the deal between them? I couldn't wrap my head around it.

I headed over to find Ellie who was engrossed in her research work. I knocked softly, making my presence was known. "Good morning, I just got here. Lemme know if you need anything. Reed will be taking over at 9 p.m. I'll be here until then", I said brusquely and turned back to my desk. "Wait!", Ellie called out to me. I stopped and turned back to face her. "Umm, is everything okay? You're acting really distant. I thought you said we are friends?", she said timidly. I ran a hand through my ponytail and said politely, "I don't think it's a good idea to let my emotions get the better of me. I need to have a clear head for this job. I hope you understand". With those words, I rushed back to my reports and work. It was true though, being friends was a stupid idea, what if I had to shoot her to keep her research hidden? Even though that wasn't the reason I didn't want to be friends with her. She had taken away Eren before I had the chance to. When I broke up with Axel I wanted to finally pursue Eren. I had felt something with him and now...it would never be. Eren would never be able to move past his dead girlfriend and even if he did Ellie stood in the way.

Absorbed in my work so deeply I didn't even notice the time, it was 1 p.m. in my stomach grumble loudly. I headed to Ellie so we could go grab lunch together. She was still focused and busy scribbling stuff away and I knocked quietly and said, "Hey, it's lunch time. Let's go grab a bite to eat. You shouldn't be working such long hours without eating". She immediately stopped her writing and headed to me excitedly, "I am really hungry too, I didn't notice until you told me". She said quietly I laughed loudly at that and said sadly, "You remind me a lot of the old me. I was just like you before, dedicated to my work only. I wouldn't even notice the time and just be working all day throughout the weekends and holidays too". She looked surprised at my confession and I too was taken aback. EVen though I didn't like the girl's presence in Eren's life and I was filled with jealousy, I didn't want to bring her down. I wanted to support her, just a little. I couldn't help myself, I wasn't a mean person and this was the first time I was dealing with jealousy. "I just don't have anything else to do", she said quietly her words resonated with me as we entered the line to grab a sandwich. "Don't depend on other people for help. Never do that. You have to take charge of your own life", I said firmly. She nodded at my words and waited patiently behind me as I grabbed my sandwich. 

As I looked around to find a table a voice called out my name, "Hey! Lay!", I looked towards the voice to find one of my old friends, Sam waving at me. I pulled Ellie along and sat down with Sam at her table. There were other people present as well. "Sam! Long time no see! How are you?"I asked her, enveloping her in a hug. Sam and I chatted for a bit when I turned to face Ellie and said, "This is Ellie, she's a researcher here and part of the team i'm in". I too wanted her to make conversation with the people around us. We made introductions around the table and chatted and talked for a bit before we parted our ways. I was glad to see Ellie talking to some other people as well. "See, now that wasn't too hard, was it?", I said softly. I was such a mom. I just couldn't help myself.

"What do you think of taking some self defense classes from me?", I asked Ellie as we drove over to her apartment. She looked extremely startled and shocked at my question as I shook quietly trying to contain my laughter. "Self-defense?"She repeated numbly. I nodded and tapped my fingers on the steering wheel along with the music and said, "I think it's a good idea and skill that everyone should have. I can just teach you the basics after seven everyday, if you're free. I have until nine before I have to leave anyway". Ellie looked frightened at the prospect and I reassured her, "Don't worry! It'll be pretty easy and basic stuff, nothing too complicated, we'll start with super basic stuff, like headlocks, using your elbow to pin people, body slams and move onto nevr points and stuff that I think you can handle. You won't need to do any additional workout either, it's using your strengths to develop a skill". I parked the car in the parking space and turned to face her. She looked confused. "I thought you said you didn't want to be my friend?"

My eyes widened in surprise as I struggled to say anything. Silently I turned to leave the car and waited for her to get out. Without a word I marched to the entrance to her apartment. She didn't say anything either as we took the elevator to the sixth floor. We stepped into her apartment which was barely furnished and empty. It didn;t even look used. She opened her mouth to say something, probably an apology but I put up my hand and said, "It's true. I should remain focused and not get overly attached to you. I sincerely hope that the time when I have to kill you didn't come but if it does I need to respond efficiently. As for self0defense lessons that was a stupid idea. You already have a lot on your plate and need plenty of rest and adding this would increase your stress levels and we need you at your best. You are an important resource to the country". I was seriously bi polar. My mood swings were giving me a whiplash, poor ellie had to deal with this around the clock. Ellie nodded and headed further into her house. I followed her taking note of all the surroundings. I took out my bag and started setting up security cameras, audio tapes and more. As I worked, Ellie nervously stood by me, irritated by her hovering. I said coldly, "You know you can shower and freshen up while I work, don't worry about me". She mumbled an apology and headed to her shower while I worked. "Um.. do you want dinner?", Ellie asked me as I worked. I looked up at her and then noticed the time. It was 8:30 p.m. I hadn't even noticed now the time flew by as I had been too preoccupied. I shook my head and got up and stretched and said, "I'll be leaving shortly anyway, thanks though. If you have some time I would like to go over the security protocols with you".

I ended up staying over at Ellie's till midnight as I had to go over the security rules with Kate and Reed too. I sighed deeply as I headed to my car. I decided to text my dad that I wouldn;t be coming home as I was heading over to Rose's. My dad responded immediately telling me to stay safe and he'll see me later. I smiled and called Rose as I drove over to her place. "Hey Rose! I'm starving so better have something decent made", I said as soon as she picked up. She laughed and said, "Don't worry, we have plenty of pizza. What's taking you so long? We've been waiting forever!", she whined. I governed loudly and said, "Ugh work, what else? I'm almost there, see ya soon!"

I looked up at my friends nervous for their reaction. True to their word, they didn't interrupt or make any sort of faces or reaction as I told them my worries. I told them all about my first time meeting Eren, how I felt, my constant guilt of feeling an attraction to him despite dating Axxel, what triggered me breaking up with Axel and Ellie's arrival and her connection with Eren. I told them how I was constantly battling my feelings of irritation and jealousy towards Ellie, I spilled the beans on everything...well almost everything. I still hadn't told them about my horrible experience with Keith all those years ago and how I still battled with it. The only person I could even talk about it with was Axel. Even with him I couldn't go into much detail or spill all my problems and issues with. Serena and Rose immediately sprung forward as soon as I finished and hugged me tightly. "Girl, let's get into this and go through every single little detail....", and with that my interrogation began.