Searching for love

7

My hands shook as I processed what the man in the suit just said. He is my father. I turned to face the window as my mind processed what had just been told to me. I still had a family. After all those years of begging my mother about my father, I was with the man. I had so many questions but only one was on my mind. The same question that I pondered over for years. Why? Why was he never involved in my life? I realized then that the answer might have just been too simple. It would have to be his job. After all the NSA is a very secretive and dangerous job. Having a family to look after plus being some hotshot like the commander is almost impossible...but still was I just making excuses for him? Whatever the reason was...I am glad I have someone I can call family. Even if he doesn't accept me, he is my father and I am forever grateful for having someone I can call my own.

After my father made that little announcement it got really quiet. The only sound was my breathing. My father on the other hand made no sound. I couldn't even hear him breathe. He was still as a statue, tightly clutching on the steering wheel. I wanted to say something but I was at a loss of words. What would one even say in this situation? I gulped deeply, my throat was dry and I knew that if I spoke my voice would crack. Without a word, my father handed me a bottle of water which I graciously took and drank. "I am sure you have many questions. But I want to make one thing clear. I never knew that I had a daughter. If I did, things would have gone very differently. I don't want to blame your mother, she did what she thought was best and it probably was for the best. My position and role in the government led me to have many enemies who would target you if they knew about you and it seems that they do now. I...all I can say is that I am sorry for not being in your life and that now I wish for things to be different. I want us to be a family and I want you to be able to depend on me and look at me as your father. Obviously I know this is a lot to ask. You have every right to be upset and mad-"

"No", I interrupted him, "I am not upset. I am confused, this is a bit surprising but I am...grateful. I thought that I have nobody in this world after mom passed away. I always dreamed of having a family and now that I have you, I have no intention of letting you go. That is if you will have me...dad". My words seemed to echo in the car. Silence once again filled the air and after a moment I saw a sight that moved me to tears. The cold, angry man who is my father was crying. Fat, tears rolled down his face as he held on tightly to the steering wheel. I felt tears well up in my eyes and before I knew it I was crying. I couldn't believe it, I have a father. "Layla...thank you, thank you for giving me a chance of being your father. I will cherish you as long as I live". He gave a watery smile and his eyes shone. I reached out to him and held his hand tightly. "Thank you for finding me, dad".

My father stepped out of the car in front of a tall, magnificent skyscraper. I believed it was the NSA's office. I stepped out of the car and stood by as my father threw the car keys to a guard. He looked back at me as I caught up to him. I had been too busy admiring the building. "I have something to check in here and want to introduce you to some people. We will then head out to Maryland where the HQ is located, is that good?", he asked me while walking to the entrance. I nodded and smiled. As he entered the building the guards nodded at him. He flashed his badge and entered a code and gave me an id that printed from the machine at the gate. "Just swipe this, it'll ask for your thumbprint and do a retina scan for security purposes". I followed through the instructions and we proceeded to the main building.

The beautiful building seemed strange. It was here that so many of the country's best secrets were kept and what protected the country. However, the exterior of the building seemed to be too clean to be a home for something so...important. The floors shone brightly and the lights were bright. It was eerily quiet and there was hardly anyone there except for the guards who all nodded at my father. My father scanned his badge at the elevator and we entered. My father's phone rang loudly and he picked up the phone quickly. "Ah, sorry for the delay. I got held up a bit but I'm on my way". With that, he disconnected the call and we got off the elevator.

I take back everything I thought two seconds ago. This place was the most chaotic palace I've been to. People were running and screening. Papers were scattered everywhere and the place was trashed. My father walked right on, not bothering to avoid the papers littered. People seemed to make way for him as he walked, nodding and greeting him. Hmm is being HQ commander a high position? It has to be, that's why people were showing him so much respect. My father knocked and entered the office. "Ah! Aiden! You're here! Have a seat! We have a code yellow on case 1904 and we still have that leak in area 467, my men are on the latter but as for the code yellow", a lady dressed smartly in a gray power suit and brown hair that was neatly tied into a bun had sprung from her chair and immediately started rambling to my father. She seemed to be in her mid-40s and quite flustered. Her office was a mess needless to say. My father immediately seemed to pacify her and they talked about some high-level security stuff that I obviously couldn't follow plus it seemed kinda confidential. I guess she didn't notice me or see me? People have told me that I kinda lack presence. I was really offended at that but that's just who I am. I blend into the crowd a bit too much and oftentimes people get freaked out that I am there. It's like I am invisible. It can be a great thing but it's insulting to say the least. I noticed my father and the lady animatedly discussing things and I took the time to observe my father. He looked younger than I thought but he did have a few graying hairs. He had a strong face but now that I looked at him we did look very similar and that made me happy.

"Ah, here, this is my daughter, Layla Johnson", my father gestured towards me. The lady's jaw fell in what I would say utter disbelief. "You-you have a daughter! What?! I- oops, sorry! I am being so rude! I am Ren, the commanding officer of this branch. It's very nice meeting you! I am sorry for my behavior earlier, it just came as a shock-", Ren rambled on nervously. I smiled and said, "It's quite alright. I didn't know about him until today either!", oops! Was this too much information? It definitely was.

At my words, awkward silence reigned. I did not do well in social situations. This was obviously apparent from my behavior up to now. Whenever I spoke silence followed. There was nothing you could say to make it better. Suddenly Ren burst out laughing and even dad cracked a smile. "You're definitely Kiera's daughter. She too was really awkward and people would never notice her. She was always in the shadows, but that's what she preferred. How is she anyway?"

I looked down at the ground sadly and said, "Dead".