Searching for love

24

I groggily made my way to what seemed like endless reports, chugging on my third cup already and it was only 10 a.m. I stretched out luxuriously and decided to make my rounds around the lab. I reviewed all the security cameras, scans, and safety measures as well as rechecked the research sheets that overfilled the filing cabinet. My thoughts were preoccupied with my advice and comments by Serena and Rose. Apparently they knew of my crush on Eren for a while. To them, it was fairly obvious. They told me not to feel guilty about Axel because, in the end, I did the right thing by breaking up with him if I was in love with Eren. Love. Apparently I was in love with Eren, but I didn't want to admit it. As for Ellie...they said jealousy was normal but that I would have to come out of it and be the bigger and better person. It was a special situation because Ellie and I worked together as well. I would have to maintain a peaceful and neutral situation and if I was serious about Eren, which I was...I would have to confront Ellie about her feelings toward Eren and that all seemed very unlike me.

"Hey Ellie", I said as I watched her work. She smiled at me, pushing her luscious hair back. "It's 7:30. No intention to leave today?"I asked her to move all the papers, pipettes, flasks, and test tubes scattered everywhere. "I'm probably gonna be pulling an all-nighter. I feel like I'm very close to something". I nodded and said, "Okay, I'll be at my desk if you need something". I texted my dad that there would be no dinner today either and that I would be back after nine. As I spun in my chair I decided that this job was actually really boring. However, it was my first assignment and Hunter had wanted me that my first assignment might be some boring job like this. As the jobs progressed I would be getting assigned more fieldwork which I loved. He had also told me that I might be shifted assignments mid assignment which I hoped happened soon. However it had only been three days since I started this job, so I doubt that was gonna happen any time soon. I was actually thinking of talking to Ellie about Eren today, so her telling me she was gonna work all night was actually a good thing.

I stepped out of my car and breathed in the fresh and cool air. I had actually gotten off work a little earlier than nine because Javier showed up pretty early which I was extremely grateful for. I had actually made it home in 15 minutes too. I happily skipped to the inside and heard loud chatter and laughter. I stepped into the dining room where the noise seemed to be coming from and saw Serena, Rose, Eren and my father pigging out on chinese takeout and gossiong loudly. "Layla! You're home early! I thought you wouldn't be back until later?", my father said sheepishly. "All this time I've been feeling super guilty about now being here for dinner but looks like you've been doing just fine". I said with my hands on my waist and frowned as I took in the scene. "You've also been eating super unhealthy! What is all this junk? You have to take better care of your health or else you'll end up like mom dying...", I trailed off. Once again I had said too much in the heat of the moment. "Umm I'm going to go change and stuff", I said in a rush and left the room quickly my head bowed down.

I took my time in the shower hoping that everyone would be gone by the time I returned sadly, that was not the case. I made my way to the kitchen decingin on what to eat. "Hey girl! You want some help with dinner?", Rose said sliding into the kitchen with Serena. I nodded and said, "Thanks! I would really appreciate that. I was thinking of making a wrap". As we cut the vegetables and heated up the tortilla, Serena said to me, "You never talk about your life in New York at all or even anything before you met Axel. I just want to let you know that you can talk to us about anything. Don't feel like you need to hold back". I dropped my knife onto the floor with a clang and quickly bent down to pick it up. Of course they would eventually confront me about it, especially after that slip up I made earlier bring up mom. I also noticed how they worded my kidnapping incident. I nodded and said, "Yeah it's not like I don't want to talk about it, there's nothing to talk about". I nervously said while grabbing a water and heading to the table with my wrap.

"Stop. Lying. We're worried about you. If you can't talk to us, talk to a therapist or something. We know you have nightmares. We've heard you whimpering and crying in your sleep and even your dad told us about how he has heard you scream on multiple occasions in your sleep. You always avoided talking to him about it too. Please Layla! I'm begging you, let us help", Serena said her voice getting louder as she spoke. Rose stood by Serena and looked at me expectantly. My hands were clenched tightly and I said my voice loud and firm, "I said I'm fine, okay. Let me deal with things at my own pace. I don't want any of you to worry about me. Everyone has these problems so, let me go through them". I could sense Eren's and dad's presence by the door. They had obviously heard our voices and come down to investigate. I was just gonna leave when Rose's voice stopped me and said, "BS. You are dealing with more than the average person. Those scars on your back, arms, hands and body run deeper than you show. You're struggling emotionally and mentally and before long it'll be too late. Just let us help!"

I turned around and looked at her, my eyes cold and dark, "Is this what you want to see?", I said flatly, lifting up my tank top to showcase the gashes on my stomach. "You said you wanted to know more about my life in New york? Let me tell you. I didn't have one. My mother, the only person I cared about, was the one who betrayed me. She was selfish enough to let me live in that city knowing what was in store for me. She let me work in the same place where the people who were after me were clients. As for what happened to me with Keith. I didn't even fight it. Any of it. I just sat there and let him do whatever he wanted with me! I didn't scream or fight back. I didn't even try to escape and let me tell you I had more than ample opportunities. Those nightmares I have are of my mother. They're not of Keith. What Keith was hoping to give me was something I wanted for myself. I was just too much of a coward to take it for myself". I screamed at her angrily and fell to my knees. "Is this what you want to see?", I repeated. I looked up meeting her tear stained face. They both rushed forward and held me close as I sobbed and let my emotions run free.