Searching for love

18

My head pounded loudly as I opened my eyes. I closed them immediately though. The light streaming from the windows was way too bright for me and only increased my headache. I groaned loudly, my throat feeling dry. I looked down at myself noticing I was no longer in a dress but one of my oversized t-shirts. I felt really icky and gross and wanted to jump into a shower but my head was pounding too much for me to move. I looked at my bedside table to find a bottle of Advil and some water and quickly took some and immediately felt better. I then slowly made my way to the shower. I didn't remember much from yesterday, what exactly happened? It was my first time getting drunk and I decided I didn't really enjoy it and vowed to myself to never get drunk again. As the cold water hit my body a flashback of last night hit me. I groaned as I remembered throwing up on Eren's shoes. I shuddered that it had to be a nightmare, right? There was no way that was true. I literally fell to the shower floor as I recalled more memories of last night. Had I really been that stupid to ask Eren about his love life? I had been so stupid. I angrily kicked the shower walls screaming internally about how dangerous alcohol was. There was no way I could face him after that. No way. A sudden thought struck me. Had he been the one to change me?

I nervously ran my hand through my hair as I looked at my phone messages. Dad was worried about me. Apparently he left Eren to take care of me due to an emergency at work and Eren had told him how I had thrown up. I was guessing he was the one who had changed me. I replied back to my dad that I was feeling better, although I was feeling horrible. Eren had to have seen all those terrible scars, my hands shook at that thought. True there were some scars on my hands and legs that couldn't be hidden and I grew comfortable in showing but the scars on my back and stomach were pretty bad. I decided to text the group chat with Rose and Serena about the situation. They knew how I felt about the scars but they didn't know I felt about Eren. I doubted they would reply to my messages though, they were both busy. I put my phone down and decided to get some food. Even though I wasn't feeling hungry at all I read on the net that food is essential when dealing with a hangover. I numbly made my downstairs, my thoughts jumbled.

"Hey, dad!", I called out as soon as I heard my dad walk in. To my relief, I was alone. He smiled at me and said, "Good to see you doing okay. You were pretty out of it yesterday. I'm sorry I couldn't be there to help yesterday, actually on second thought I'm not. Poor Eren he was still smelling like puke when he walked into my office". He laughed at the last bit and I felt my face redden. "Dad!", I screeched, embarrassed. My reaction only made him laugh louder and he pulled me into a hug. "Well go get ready! I have reservations", he said. I smiled and dashed upstairs to get changed.

"So, how do you feel about your interview on Monday?", dad asked as he dug into his steak. I swallowed my pasta and said, "I'm kinda nervous but really hopeful. I really want that job, it seems so ideal and perfect. I would actually enjoy work for once". He nodded and said, "It can be pretty challenging to find a job you like, I'm sure things will work out. Working in the security branch at DOD can be pretty tough though. The hours can be very crazy. You may have to travel a lot depending on the person you'll be working with too. So you have to go in with an open mind". I nodded taking in what my dad said, "Yes absolutely. I'll make sure to have an open mindset. Thanks, Dad, for everything". He smiled at me and said, "It's no problem at all. That's why I'm here". I shook my head and said, "No dad. I mean thanks for everything. I can't even fathom what and where I would be without you. It's because of you that I'm where I am today and no matter what I do I will be forever in your debt". I looked up at my dad, my eyes watery from the tears that filled me. I don't know what had gotten into me but I was feeling very emotional.

I sang loudly as my dad covered his ears as he begged me to stop. I laughed loudly and sang more loudly and watched him wince as my voice cracked. We were back home after dinner and we were just goofing about. "Please! Lay! I'm begging you to stop!", my dad pleaded with me as I continued singing the Hannah Montana theme song. I giggled and collapsed on the couch out of breath. My throat was parched and tired from all the singing. My dad gratefully uncovered his ears and sighed deeply and said, "When I asked you if you could sing I did not know I was signing up for this. I had never thought there was someone who sang worse than Kiera". I immediately stiffened at his words. My dad didn't notice a shift in attitude as I struggled to remain composure. The mother I once loved was someone who immediately brought a feeling of hatred into me like none other. I despised her and could never forgive her for what she did. She took away my father from me and I had to suffer due to her. She never once explained herself to me and died without telling me about anything. Even though she knew staying in New York would be risky, we never moved. My life had been in danger and she still kept me in the dark. I didn't want to hate her but I did. I didn't want to judge her without hearing her side of the story but she never explained her side so, with whatever I do know...she seemed like a terrible mother.

I straightened my black suit I wore nervously. Today was my final interview with the security head and would determine my future. I put my hair up in the usual ponytail and inhaled and exhaled deeply a few times in an attempt to calm my nerves. I stared at myself in the mirror and steeled myself for the upcoming future. I was no longer the weak and scared girl, I was stronger and more determined to have the future I wanted. My eyes held more depth and determination and were no longer the eyes that were always warm and filled with wonder. This was someone who got what she wanted and this job was what I wanted. With those corny words and thoughts, I headed to my car and drove to the DOD office.