Emo Quartet Oneshots - Frerard, Joshler, Peterick, and Ryden

Say You Love Me (Ryden)

The gun trembled in Brendon's grip as he glared at the two Ryans standing across from him. His eyes darted frantically back and forth, trying desperately to decide which Ryan was his Ryan. But they seemed exactly alike. They way they looked, moved, and talked was so similar that Brendon couldn't decide which one to shoot.

"Brendon, shoot him!" the Ryan on the left cried, pointing at the Ryan on the right. "He's the clone, not me!"

"No, I'm the real Ryan!" the Ryan on the right insisted, shooting a quick glare at the Ryan on the left.

"Don't listen to him!" Left Ryan urged. "C'mon, Brenny, you know it's me!"

"He's lying to you!" Right Ryan shouted. "Just shoot him already!"

"Both of you shut up!" Brendon cried. "W-who do I shoot?" he asked, talking to himself more than to the Ryans.

"Him!" Left Ryan exclaimed, gesturing toward Left Ryan.

"No, he's lying!" Right Ryan argued. "Remember? I love you!"

Brendon wordlessly pointed the gun at Right Ryan's chest and squeezed the trigger, watching as the bullet caught him square in the head, instantly taking the clone down.

"What the—" Ryan began to say.

"'I love you' doesn't sound like something you'd say to me," Brendon explained in an emotionless voice.

"What? Okay, WOW," Ryan said, offended. "Brendon, you know how I feel about you."

"Mhm, yeah," Brendon muttered absentmindedly. He holstered his gun and turned his back on Ryan, trying to hide the lone tear that trickled down his face.

- -

Later, when Ryan and Brendon were lying in bed, Ryan finally decided that he needed to talk to Brendon.

"Brendon, can we talk?" Ryan asked, rolling over to face his boyfriend. Brendon was lying on his side with his back to Ryan. He remained silent, but Ryan knew he was awake.

After a long moment of waiting, Ryan said, "I know you're not asleep. Can we please talk?"

"What's there to talk about?" Brendon muttered, still not facing Ryan.

"About what you said earlier," Ryan answered.

"What do you mean?" Brendon asked.

Ryan let out an exasperated sigh. "You know what I mean."

Brendon finally turned to around to face Ryan. "Yeah I do know what you mean," he admitted. His voice hardened as he added, "It's true though. You've never told me that you love me. I've said it plenty of times, but you always respond with 'I know' or 'thank you' or you just smile at me. You've never said 'I love you' to me, ever."

"Does that upset you?" Ryan asked softly.

"Yes! No? I don't know, Ryan!" Brendon cried. Although the room was fairly dark, Ryan could see tears glittering in Brendon's dark eyes. "I guess...I just want to know. Y'know, if you love me. It would be nice to hear it, even just once."

"Bren, you know that I do," Ryan murmured.

"See? You're doing it again!" Brendon snapped. "Would it be so hard for you to just say the damn words?!"

Ryan reached out with one hand to try to wipe away the tears slowly sliding down Brendon's face, but Brendon batted his hand away with an irritated huff.

"I don't know why I find it so hard to say it," Ryan tried to explain, trying to ignore the guilt stabbing at his heart. How had he never been aware of how badly he was affecting Brendon? Now that he thought about it, he realized that there were plenty of instances that shoulded have been a clear sign of how Brendon felt. The expectant pauses every time Brendon said 'I love you', and the hurt and disappointment on his face when Ryan failed to say it back.

"Do you not love me?" Brendon whispered in a small voice. "I-It's okay if you don't. But at least...at least don't lie to me. J-Just tell me if you don't."

"What? No! I—" Ryan cut himself off. The words just seemed to get caught in his throat. Why can't I say it? he wondered frantically.

"You what, Ryan?!" Brendon asked, his voice bordering on hysterical. "You love me?! Then SAY IT!"

Ryan swallowed thickly. He opened his mouth but no sound came out. He suddenly realized that he was afraid of saying it. He was afraid of admitting to Brendon that he loved him. More importantly, he was afraid of admitting it to himself.

"Okay, I see how it is," Brendon murmured. He sat up and got out of bed. Ryan sat up too, staring at Brendon in alarm.

"Bren, where are you going?" Ryan asked, sounding more angry than he intended.

Brendon whirled around to glare at him. "I'm going somewhere that's not here!" he shouted. "I just...I don't think this is going to work, Ryan!"

"Why? Just because I can't tell you what you want to hear? The only reason this might not work is because you're such a needy baby who's so insecure that he constantly needs some form of reassurance in a relationship! So go ahead, walk right out that door! I'm not going to miss your clinginess!" Ryan screamed, momentarily consumed by his hurt and confusion. However, upon seeing the heartbroken expression on Brendon's face, Ryan immediately regretted his words.

"At least you're finally honest about how you feel," Brendon croaked, sounding choked by tears.

"I didn't mean it," Ryan told him quickly.

Brendon just shook his head sadly.

"Brendon, please!" Ryan cried. "I didn't mean it."

Brendon began to walk out the door. "Please just let me go," he pleaded, fixing Ryan with a tear-filled gaze. "Maybe...maybe we can work this out. One day. But not now."

"Don't leave," Ryan begged. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean what I said."

"Do you love me?" Brendon demanded.

"Yes!" Ryan insisted.

"Then say it!" Brendon screamed.

Ryan opened and closed his mouth. The words still wouldn't come out. He couldn't say it.

Brendon let out a choked sob. "Goodbye, Ryan," he whispered.

"Don't—" Ryan began, but Brendon fled the room, slamming the door behind him. Ryan remained sitting upright in bed. Tears began to drip down his face as he heard the front door of the house open, signaling that Brendon was really leaving. He buried his face in his hands and began to sob, tugging agitatedly at his hair.

What the hell have I done?