A Lifetime With You

Losing Hope

MATURE CONTENT AHEAD!!!!!!
TW: DISCUSSION OF MISCARRIAGE

Taylor's POV
It's been 4 months since my tour ended. Avery is 3 and Elijah is 2. Joe and I have been trying so hard to conceive again, but we're not having any luck. "I give up. What if I can't get pregnant, Joe? I want this so bad. I want another baby so bad. Maybe I'm not able to carry another baby" I said, my eyes red and puffy and my face soaked in tears. "Honey, look at me. We're gonna have our baby, I promise. I don't care how long it takes, we will have another baby." Joe said. "But you don't know that" I say. "No, Taylor...I don't know that, but I'm trying to stay positive. That's all we can do." he said, sitting next to me. I rest my head on his shoulder.

2 months later
"Joe!!!!!!! Come here!" I scream. He runs into our bathroom, looking scared and worried. "No, it's ok. Everything is perfect. We're having another baby!" I say, showing him the pregnancy test. My mom came over and we left to go to a doctors appointment.

3 PM
"Congratulations. I know it was a little bit of a struggle to get here, but you're finally having your baby." my doctor said. I smiled up at Joe. "You appear to be a month into the pregnancy. Everything looks great and you're very healthy." my doctor said. We left the appointment and I couldn't stop smiling down at the ultrasound picture. I'm so happy we're finally having our baby after 6 months of trying.

1 month later
I'm currently 8 weeks into my pregnancy. "Goodnight baby." I say to Avery as I tuck her in. "Goodnight mommy" Avery said. I kissed her and turned out her light before going to tuck Elijah in. Afterwards, I go to my room and Joe is almost asleep. "I'm gonna take a shower." I say, kissing him. "Ok" he says. After the shower, he was out, but I snuggled up next to him until I fell asleep.

4 AM
I'm woken up by an extremely sharp pain that shot through my belly. It was like a stabbing pain and it wasn't going away. I attempt to wake Joe, but he's not waking up. I feel a warm liquid in my pants and I pull back the covers to see I'm sitting in a puddle of blood. "Joe, please wake up!!!" I say, screaming. He turns on the lamp and asks me what's wrong. When I showed him the blood, he quickly got out of bed and turned on the light before running over to me, lifting me out of bed. He runs to the bathroom and I strip down to nothing and I sit down to pee, but as I pee the pain gets worse. I sobbed as I sat on the toilet. Joe sat with me, holding my hand. After I got done, I wiped and it was a huge blood clot. "Let's get you cleaned up" Joe said. He turned on the shower and I fell to the floor, sobbing in physical and emotional pain. Joe stripped his clothes too. "Come here" he said, scooping me up. He put me in the shower and got in with me. "I failed us. I'm so sorry" I said, breaking down harder. He held me close as I sobbed against his chest. "You didn't fail us. It just wasn't the right timing. It'll happen, I promise." he said. "When? We tried and tried and tried for months." I said. After the shower we got dressed and my parents rushed over to the house. My dad was staying with the kids while my mom went with us to the hospital. The whole ride there, I clutched my lower belly as I experienced pain. When we arrived, they rushed me inside in a wheel chair.

10 AM
"Hey, baby" Joe said, kissing my hand as I woke up. "Hey" I mumbled. "The baby's gone isn't it?" I asked. "Yeah. Yeah it is" Joe said to me, trying not to cry. I felt so empty and numb. I just wanted to go home to my babies and snuggle them. "How's your pain?" he asked me. "Better. Not gone, but much better." I said. My doctor came in and told me I was safe to go home. I got dressed with the help of Joe and we headed home. When we got home, I got into bed and Joe closed our curtains to block the sunlight. When I was sure he was out of the room, I sobbed. How could something like this happen to me? Maybe I'm infertile. Maybe we will actually have our baby. I just want this pain to go away.

3 months later
Joe's POV
Things are slowly getting back to normal after us losing our baby. Taylor has started recording some new music and I've started filming again. We've been spending a lot of time apart unfortunately and I have been away from the kids and Taylor for about an entire month now due to filming. I'm going back to our Nashville home tonight and Andrea is coming over to watch the kids while Taylor and I go out for a date night.