Coffee Break

Funeral Ties

*mentions of death, pain

"Breathe, Isla, it's okay you're going to be okay" are the last words I hear before I black out into a world of darkness and shadows, my boyfriends voice got further and further away from my subconscious as I get swallowed up into a river of blank emotion. The panic attack I had been trying to swim out of had kept pushing me back into the deep water - and well my boyfriend had tried his hardest to help me ground myself but it's not always that easy- and that's how I ended up unconscious on his old wooden floorboards.

My boyfriend, Myers, was normally able to help me out of the panic attacks but for some odd reason the world had decided to swallow me whole on this odd day, Myers and I had acted like anchors to each other for a few years now even before we started dating, but this had never happened to one of us before. We never collapsed we made sure the other would pull us out of the trans before we started to pass out. I could feel Myers' hand slowly going through my brown hair as to try and give me some type of comfort while I experience the faint, it's calming.

However it seems as I've been stuck here for so long, I'm missing the movie we were originally watching. I feel Myers' hand suddenly get tugged off my head and now i start to panic more- I don't know what's happening and I can't control what they are doing. They're cold touch holds my arm steady and I can feel them taking off my sweatshirt that I had previously stole from Myers- did he call an ambulance? There's two sets of hands but none of them are Myers' set, so that means he must've called for help. Considering this is probably the first time he has ever seen someone collapse right in front of him you can understand why he freaked out. Unless I stopped breathing? Then that would have accounted for it too.            

His voice faintly enters my eardrums and I can barely understand what he is saying but he's trying to talk to me, I mustn't be doing well if I cannot figure out everything he is saying to me. There's another man trying to talk to me to, saying my name over and over again, but as much as I would love to answer back I cannot find my voice, nor can I open my fragile eyes to the world. The concern in Myers' voice worries me as I don't know what is happening- they won't say it out loud so how can I know what is wrong with me?

"Isla, you need to wake up, baby please" my boyfriends voice cracks as he starts to rub my head again, and place my head onto his lap or well I hope is his lap anyway. His voice is soft and sad like he has been a witness to a dog getting injured- or in this case it's me. "Isla, you need to open your eyes, breathe for me, love" I try and yell out to him, get him to understand that I have been trying to, but with every chance I take it fails miserably. It feels like razors at the back of my throat every time I try and talk or breathe it cuts into my pharynx and causes me so much pain I can practically feel the tears run down my face as I keep trying over and over again to inhale. But I fail each time, causing my boyfriend to worry more and the EMT's to run some more tests as they also have no idea what I'm dealing with. 

I hear the alarms going off by my bedside table and then I realise that I've been unconscious for more than 2 hours, the alarm only goes off at five am and we started watching a movie just after two am. It was just a normal date we were in the middle of, and something had caused me to panic and the attack had started, at first only mildly and then it became what I feared: my throat had started to close and my head had felt extremely dizzy, my head was spinning like I had drank the whole bar at a local pub. I could feel Myers' burning hands against my freezing cold skin as I passed out and then understand why they are all concerned.

My cold skin like ice straight out a freezer that had been on the highest setting, I wasn't breathing, nor moving. My subconscious was falling and I knew then what was happening- I was dying, or well dead. I was laying deceased in my boyfriends arms while I could still feel his tickilng tears fall into my face there was nothing I could do to stop it. My heart was stopping, my organs were falling because of the lack of oxygen. I was made a free spirit to leave into the night- alone- without my boyfriend by my side any longer.

There I was, laying on the wooden floorboards, alone and now under a white sheet, I am really dead. My boyfriend, Myers is nowhere to be seen in the room and I am just surrounded by the team that had tried to save my life and unfortunately not been able to. But now I can watch over Myers and my friends from above, knowing they're going to be okay eventually after they mourn freely.