It Gets Complicated (BoyxBoy)

Chapter 11: Follow the Rules Aross the Line

Author's Note:

Any bold lines will represent Jay writing in his journal. Any italicized lines will represent a flashback of past events.

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Drunk. Stupid, irrational, sex-driven. Drunk. That's what Ryan truly was. He wasn't one in a million, it wasn't a dream come true to meet him, and this was not a fairy tale. He was just another man pretending to be my knight in shining armor so that when he made his stupid mistakes, I would forgive him. Well it worked.

"Why are you crying?" I was now sitting with my back against the door, having shut it and decided to stay. Of course I did, I was a hopeless romantic that thought that if we talked things out, none of it would have ever happened and everything would be okay....yes, I'm THAT guy.

His head shot up at the sound of my voice, several emotions flashing across his face so fast I thought I was gonna get motion sick. I held up my hand when he started to try and get up off the floor. We needed some space if we were going to put everything out in the open...I needed some space.

"I thought you left?" His voice hardly wavered, but it did.

"Rule #1 of me staying: You don't get to be sad or upset right now. Rule #2: You're going to stay over there and I'm going to stay over here. Rule #3: I get to yell and you don't get to yell back. Rule #4:-" my list kept going for a minute or two while he remained silent, not even nodding his head to my ridiculous requests. "Okay?" I finally asked.

"Okay." His voice was soft and quiet, but still carried all the way across the room. God, why did he have to be so breathtakingly-no right now he was a dirty cheating man whore.

"Why did you buy me that pretzel? And don't say because you thought I was attractive." My tone was sharp, but still vulnerable. As easy as it was for me to say mean and hateful things to people, I couldn't be cross with him. I just couldn't.

"I offered to buy you a pretzel..." he looked lost in thought.

"Rule #7: No thinking about your answers." I pointed out. So maybe I was being bitchy, it was better than just being angry.

"I offered to buy you that pretzel because you were the most amazing thing I'd ever seen and-"

"That's not an answer." I interrupted. His body language was screaming with defiance; however, he kept his mouth shut with pleading eyes for me to allow him to finish. "Fine, finish."

"I know that I was still with Zack, and that leaves no excuse for anything that I have to say, but after he got arrested again a few weeks ago, I just couldn't handle it anymore. I was planning on breaking up with him when he got out of jail, and then you came along and-"

"So I was your rebound." I stated, trying in every possible way to not look at him. I failed. "Fine, what's your excuse for that part?" Okay, wow, when did I become such a bitch? Love does things to a person I guess, but over two weeks? Why was this even that big of a deal? We had known each other all of two weeks and here we both were blubbering about how much we loved each other. My inner saint kicked me for not listening.

"It was like everything stopped. You were sitting there on the ground, all frustrated and pissed off because you couldn't find any new clothes and had just gotten knocked down, and I fell in love with you right there. I offered to buy you that pretzel because I felt like the universe was finally smiling down on me and that I couldn't pass up the opportunity to get to know you." He looked sincere about it, and it sounded like something off the back of a crappy romance novel, but I didn't feel like it was total crap. I believed him.

"I know wh-" no you can't show weakness and admit that you felt the same way when he pulled you to your feet. You CAN'T DO THAT.

"You're doing it again..." he trailed off, not saying anything else, following Rule # who knows what. I slammed my head back against the door. The words were just falling out of my mouth again. How long was this going to go on? Better yet, why did it only happen around Ryan?

"How often did the two of you have sex?" Across the line! I didn't even want to know that answer! It was enough to throw him into shock though, almost as much as it shocked me. Almost. "You two were together for a while and with all of his issues there had to be something tying you to him, so was he your dealer and are you a pot head, or did you just like the sex?"

I was going to go drown myself in a bathtub filled with my own self-hate after this. Everything I was saying was so fueled by my hatred for Zack and my anger at Ryan that it all just came out in sporadic ways. He was so hurt right now, looking like he was trying to balance a light switch between up and down, only his switch being between breaking and snapping. There was no taking it back, though. There was no anything anymore. Great, I knew just how to fuck up an already fucked up situation.

"Six months ago, I met him at a party..."

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I don't know what to do...I was an ass. I was a monumental new definition to being a jerk. He didn't deserve all of that. Well...no. He deserved to get yelled at and feel bad, but he didn't deserve THAT. He may have been at fault, but I did something unforgivable and ridiculous and-

A new tear fell on the lined page of my tiny journal, smudging the ink once again. It had become a pattern in my writings, almost every page now about Ryan and almost every page also covered in these dark blots where words became illegible and emotions became even stronger. I threw the stupid book against the wall, unable to handle anymore pointless venting. I needed action.

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Derek paced in front of me, his face contorted into a thoughtful expression as he continued to mumble to himself. I should be talking things out with Ryan and apologizing for the way I responded to the situation, but at the same time I didn't really know what to do. So, I called the only person that I could think of that knew enough about the both of us to try and offer any advice.

"You are so much more trouble than I thought you were gonna be, ya know that?" Derek almost sounded amused behind his exasperated tone.

"I get that a lot," I muttered. There you go, admitting you have a problem is the first step to fixing it. Instead of being addicted to drugs or being an alcoholic, I was a bitch. Maybe I could start leading my own bitches anonymous meetings. I could invite those girls from the party...

"He is an idiot and I told him to tell you about that when you first started talking, but you are an ass hole for getting involved in his previous relationship."

"Hey now, that bitch started it with me before the parking lot. You know he was texting and calling me trying to start shit!" Derek shot me a glare that made me shrink back down onto the couch that I had started to get off of as I ranted. I knew Ryan would never physically harm me, I couldn't say the same about Derek.

"The problem is that you didn't just leave it between you and Zack. You drug Ryan into the middle after he openly admitted to you that he had made a mistake. He was trying to be honest with you and you brought up things that you had no right to know." I was getting scolded like a toddler, but the worst part was that I was sitting here taking it because he was right. Derek ran a hand through his dark hair and sighed. "You two really are perfect for each other, I'll give you that much."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Shut up and let's go talk to Rhino." I was momentarily stunned at the nickname, simply because I hadn't heard it before, but it suited Ryan well. Big, blunt, awkward in the "I don't really want to move cause I might break something" kind of way. This was exactly why I knew that I needed to work through this with Ryan. Because even though we had both already made huge mistakes, he was the only thing on my mind. My phone buzzed when I was walking out to Derek's car.

"Hello?" I answered.

"Turn around." A voice said as tires squealed into the parking lot.

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A/N:

Thanks for reading! I know the chapters are getting a little inconsistent in length, but....If you like this part of the story maybe you want to leave a comment? Or a vote? Or both? xx

-Tay