The Cub in the Water

NOTHING WILL EVER BE THE SAME

Phillip, mom, and I were preparing to make a huge change in our lives for the better. The job department hadn't had a lot to offer for Philip in Mexico. After a couple of years in a job that didn't quite satisfy him, a resignation from said job, and a couple of months looking for something else without no luck, he decided that it was time to take stronger action.

He was a mechanical engineer, who had worked in the automobile industry for many years. He had contacts in Canada and the United States that could help him find what he was desperately looking for.

You see, the time he spent without working had depressed him deeply. He always seemed sad and had a sudden loss of interest in other things like learning Spanish, which made things more difficult for him since without the language he had few resources to communicate with others, and that made him feel somehow lonely. I mean my mom and I would talk in English to him and around him, but we weren't always around, she had work and I had school.

One day the wait was over. He received a call from a plant in Nogales, Arizona. They wanted someone exactly like him. He went up for an interview and came back with good news. He had been hired and they wanted him to start right away.

After dropping the bomb with the news, he talked to me, "I know this is a big change, Mia... I promise I wouldn't do anything that might affect you and the family we have created."

I remained silent.

"I know this is a great opportunity for us, to change our lives, to make them better. What do you think? How do you feel about it?"

There was something about that guy that made me trust him to my very core. He could have said to me, "let's jump from the Empire State without a parachute. Everything's going to be okay," and I would have jumped for sure. The moment he finished talking I knew the answer. I knew I was ready to follow him, ready to jump. Of course, I was scared, it meant leaving my dad, my siblings, the rest of the family and my friends behind. It meant going to a place where we would know no one but each other, in a foreign country, in an unknown place. Despite all the mixed feelings that the subject brought up, I said, "It sounds great. Let's do it."

A big smile appeared on his face and he kissed me on the forehead, "Thank you for understanding and for wanting to join me on this adventure. I want you and your mom to wait a couple of months 'till your school year is finished. This way the change won't be any more dramatic than it has to be. After that, we'll reunite in our new home. I'll make sure everything is ready for when you arrive."

The next couple of weeks were dedicated to our life-changing decision. Mom and Phillip spent hours in front of the computer looking at houses for us to live in, school districts and mapping the place out. They made a weekend trip to look at two or three houses they had picked out previously and closed the deal on one. They went to the school where I was supposed to start next September and completed all the paperwork. They settled as much as they could. Our new life was starting to become visible.

After they came back, only a couple of weeks remained until Phillip had to go up there to start living the dream. We spend all the time we could together, packing, making plans for our new home, and making sure he had everything he needed to live in a hotel for a couple of weeks until he took delivery of the house.

My cousin Margo's baptism was scheduled for the last weekend he would spend in Mexico before he left for Nogales. The family decided to make an event for the two occasions. The mass was on a Saturday morning in a church near my grandparents Helga and Logan's house. The reception took place at my aunt Lourie's house, in her backyard. There were long rectangular tables and chairs placed throughout squared the area and big round tables with food at the back.

It was a beautiful sunny April morning. For some reason, I will never forget Phillip's outfit for the day. He was wearing jeans, his black leather sandals and his baby blue shirt that made his beautiful blue eyes shine and resemble the cloudless gorgeous sky that accompanied us that day.

He seemed happy and content with what life had brought to his plate. We sure felt the same way from having him around. Everything was perfect, we had not a care in the world. We were celebrating, we were certain that only good things were about to happen, and we were excited.

Noon came, mom and Phillip got up from their chairs. He had to get ready to leave soon. They started saying goodbye to everyone there. People wished him all sorts of things and good luck for the journey he was about to begin.

I remember observing the scene very quietly and anxiously. For some reason, I was the last one they approached to say goodbye. My mom gave me a kiss, "I'll see you Monday."

I moved my head up and down as a sign of affirmation.

I stared into Phillips' eyes for a moment, wanting so badly to say something. I froze.

"I'll see you soon, doll. I'll have everything ready for when you get there. I promise," he said to me without moving or coming near me.

I moved my head up and down as I did with my mom. This time it felt heavier.

"I love you, Mia."

'Say it! Say it back! Tell him you love him! You've never done it before! Tell him! It's true!' I never did. I just smiled.

I looked at him one more time, thinking 'Do something! Shake his hand! Give him a kiss goodbye! Go hug him! Hug him!' I froze.

'What if...?' I froze.

The next thing I knew was he walking towards the yard's glass doors.

After spending the weekend with my dad, Monday night came by and my mom had already returned from Nogales where she had accompanied Phillip to help him settle in. I was returning late from school because we had a field trip to the school's farm. I came home to find my mom sitting on her black leather computer sit, starring at a blank excel page. Feeling anxious and worried, "Philip was supposed to call me last night after dinner for him to find me home after my plane landed, and he hasn't. Why has he not called? He always calls," was the first thing she told me.

"Don't worry, mom. Maybe he forgot or fell asleep and had to rush today to get to work. We will hear news from him soon. You'll see." I was confident.

And soon enough, the news came.

I went to bed early that night because I had a very long day at school. I must have been somewhat tired because I lost track of time. The phone in my room rang and I could not tell if it was still Monday night or if we were into early Tuesday morning, so I wasn't alarmed by the call.

I walked out of bed and answered, trying to stay awake, "Hello?"

"Hi, Mia. It's Sharon. Is your mom there?"

"Hi, Sharon! Yes, just a sec, I'll go get her."

I opened my bedroom door and walked towards the studio where my mom remained very much awake still staring at her computer, "Mom, Sharon's on the phone. She wants to talk to you."

She got up quickly from her chair and rushed into my room. As I was returning to bed, my mom started repeating the word "NO" each time louder than the one before. The more she repeated it the more her voice cracked, and tears joined in, "It can't be true. Why? This is not happening!"

After those words, I felt like somebody had punched me in the stomach. Everything started to fall into place. It was Tuesday, very early in the morning. My mom had been awake worried about Phillip. And that phone call had not been a friendly one, like the ones Sharon used to make. That phone call carried the news my mom was nervously waiting to hear.

I jumped out of bed as fast as I could and ran towards my mom. I hugged her while she still had the phone pinned to her ear. She looked up at me, and between sobs, she said, "He is gone. He is dead."

I walked backwards towards my bed in shock. I sat there and listened to my mom crying on the phone while she was talking to Sharon about the how, when and what had happened and what was going to happen next.

I sat there as my whole world crumble apart.

I sat there feeling punched in the face, in my gut, in my heart, and in my soul. I sat there not knowing what hit me or where it had come from.

I sat there.

I froze.