The Cub in the Water

THE IMMINENT BREAK-UP

I don't know if this happens to a lot of you out there, which I don't think it does, but for me, when it comes to childhood memories from under the age of seven, I don't have a lot of them. What I have stored in my brain from around that time, are a few very specific images, scenes, places, and people.

After we arrived back at Mexico City things started to get weird.

Family reunions had a change in their dynamic.

When we visited the Lobos for our regular Saturday brunches, the question often asked was, "Mom, where is daddy?"

"He'll be meeting us there."

He didn't'.

"Helga, is Christopher coming?" my grandmother Helga also asked.

"Mom, where is the tablecloth? I need it to set the table. It should be right here under the oven, in this drawer. Why isn't anything where it is supposed to be?"

"Helga, darling, calm down. I just washed it, it should be in the dryer. I'll go fetch it for you in a moment."

"Thank you. I can go get it myself."

"Helga?"

"What, mom?"

"Christopher?"

"He is busy with a new research project. He's stuck at the lab."

"Oh, well that's too bad, dear. Everything is fine between you two, right?"

"Yes, mom. Everything is good."

It wasn't.

When we visited grandma Ella or grandpa Rick - my dad's parents who by the way were divorced - the conversations turned out a little different. I got to eavesdrop a little bit while playing with my toys.

The talks between grandpa Rick and dad were simple, they mainly happened while they were fixing up their drinks in the dining room.

"Where is Helga, son?"

"She preferred to sit this one out."

"Trouble in paradise?"

"You could say that. I'm thinking that maybe is time for a cool change, dad."

"Well, whatever you think is best, son. I got your back."

"Thanks."

"Let me know when you decide."

"I will." The sound of their clinking glasses followed.

While our lunches with grandma Ella and aunt Victoria were kind of therapeutic for my dad. Their conversations usually happened with my dad pacing around my grandma's old Chinese style black living room with a white lotus flowers print.

"Are you alright, son?" asked grandma Ella.

"Why do you ask, ma?"

"Well, you don't seem quite like yourself lately."

"I don't know... I'm just exhausted."

"Helga?"

"Yes," he let a big sigh out.

"I was wondering why she stopped coming."

"She's never liked us very much, has she?" my aunt jumped in.

"Victoria!" Scolded my grandma.

"It's the truth, ma! She almost never lets us come close to Mia, let alone hug her or kiss her. Remember that time when Vicky almost lifted her in her arms? Helga demanded she put her down almost screaming. After that, I had to have a conversation with my daughter about how she could not come near her cousin. It nearly broke my heart but I had to protect my child." She turned to my dad, "I'm not happy you are having trouble at home big Bro, but at least when she doesn't come with you we get to have a real relationship with your daughter," said Victoria with her golden long curls swinging from one side to another as she used her whole body to express herself.