The Cub in the Water

THE CUB

I never imagined how changing from one environment to another could transform your life in ways sometimes you are only able to dream of. Moving to Queretaro, living with my dad Jules, and Jason, meeting new people and making amazing new friends did that for me. I'll admit that my situation with Mildred was not ideal at all, but even with that not so good little detail, my life there was awesome.

Being able to not worry about things like, whether there's going to food in the fridge, or if the frozen pizza would hold for the entire week, or if the money I had would be enough to survive the next few days; or whether if there's going to be water or gas or electricity tomorrow, made my life much easier and way less stressful. It allowed me to live my life like a normal teenager and worry about teenager stuff.

It was clear I had issues I had to work through due to all my mom's insanity and all the crap she had put me through over the years, but that didn't stop me. My father and I talked it over and decided that starting a psychological treatment with a shrink was a good idea. Only a couple of weeks after my arrival I started seeing this woman called Alexa.

There was something about her that made me trust her, that made me want to talk to her. My sessions with her were the first time I talked about everything that had hurt me since I had memories to recall. The biggest issue of all was my mother. It felt amazing to finally let it all out.

She helped me discover how I felt about the whole situation. "What are your feelings towards your mother?" Alexa asked.

"That's a complicated question."

"Indeed. A complicated question for a complicated situation. I know. Let's try to answer it. Shall we?"

"Well, I'm mad. I'm mad at her. That's for sure. She's put me through hell."

"Did she hurt you, Mia?"

"I don't like to think about it."

"That's not what I asked you."

"I'm fine now."

"Answer the question."

A was silent for a couple of minutes. "She did. She broke me. My life should've been completely different. I... She makes me... I"

"You what? Hate her?

"No... I love her. That makes it much worse."

"No, Mia. Love is a feeling much easier to work with. Hate doesn't get us anywhere."

I sighed.

"Do you feel you have had a difficult life?"

"I don't know. I think it could've been worse."

"How do you feel about the role you've gotten to play in your life?"

"Like a cub."

"I see."

"Like a cub in the water."

"In the water? Why water?".

"Water is an element that presents itself in devastation or joy, life. You can drown in it or play with it. My life has been a little bit of both. Most of the times I felt like a cub trying to survive the flood and trying to play with the waves at the same time."

"Well, if you ask me, you are one hell of a cub then."

"A lion."

"A fearless one."

I smiled.

Going with her was the beginning of a long healing path that I wanted to maintain on. She helped me see things from another point of view. She was the first one to reveal to me the possibility that there might be something in my mom that causes her to do all these things. That maybe she isn't out to hurt people with malice. She just can't help it.