Poems of a Broken Man

All These Things That I've Done

Hey,
It's been a while. How've I been?
                                                                    Great. (No seriously, I'm doing great).

I've gotten better at cooking, I've stopped biting my nails, I've even put myself first before anyone else.
I've taken on more responsibility at work, and kept up my part time job too.
I've gotten great at saving and spending on the right things, not just things I don't need.
I've gotten much better at eating healthy, staying away from too much shit food and improving my dental health.
I've made an effort to make every day count, to do something that needs to be done and not be lazy or feel useless.

My rooms still coming together, but it's not far off, just needs some last touching pieces.
I'm getting better at choosing friends and saying no to the people I don't need.
I'm thinking about moving out of home, but no rush until freelance and film work picks up.
I've done lots of experiences, with still some to do in to make memories for myself.
I'm much better at planning now, and embracing the unexpected.
I'm even trying therapy, counselling and anxiety training.

I'm still giving a lot to others.
I'm still driving that small blue car.
I'm still living with my family (who miss you by the way).
I'm still dancing (and taking it more seriously).
I've started reading again, seriously this time.
I'm always house sitting one place or another.
I'm still loving chocolate and Doctor Who.
I'm looking at film competitions and more work in the industry.
I'm even going to start writing a drama series like you always wanted.

I'm sorry I never edited that baking video.
I'm sorry I was too clingy.
I'm sorry I told lies.
I'm sorry I was scared.
I'm sorry I always got anxiety, or cried, or panicked when you were trying to tell me something I needed to hear, even if I didn't want to hear it.
I'm sorry I can't just talk to you.
I'm sorry I haven't taken working out seriously.
I'm sorry I haven't finished those things I'm still clinging on too.
I'm sorry I still can't be angry.
I'm sorry you had to say things twice, which I'm working on fixing.
I'm sorry I forgot things, which I'm working on fixing.
I'm sorry it's taken me so long to fix me.
I'm sorry I can't do everything right 100% of the time, 
                                                                                                              but that's Human.

So because I've fixed all these things, and I've told the truth, without hope or agenda,
Are you ready to take me back?

So anyway, how're you?...