Why am I thinking about her so much?
I'm trying to give myself a reason to not
Tell myself she's busy
She hates me
She's over me
She wants nothing to do with me
But it hasn't worked.
I've tried to convince myself I could do something to get her attention;
Get upset over a thing
Have a family or friend loss
Injure myself and call her for help
Injure myself and have them call the emergency number in my phone (Her)
I want her to want me.
Like she used too.
She used to text me every day
Call me twice a day (if not more)
Tell me she loved me
Call me her special names
Make me smile all the fucking time
I just want to smile again and mean it.
Nothing in my life is giving me reason to smile anymore.
Because, here's the simple hard truth;
My friends are sexist, lying, backstabbing, manipulative, racist pigs who don't care about me at all (not all, but the ones I counted on),
I have no love life going on,
The most exciting part of my day is going to work to do the same bland pointless job for 8 hours then go home.
Material goods aren't making me happy anymore.
Anything I've ordered is just... stuff
The friends who do matter are busy, and they get sick of me or are living their own lives
The one time a week I feel alive is Dance, which work gets in the way of.
The thing I love to do the most (film making, script writing, etc) is a mess.
I'm too deep into this film to start the next, but I'm also months away from any filming happening and my fucking lead actor won't get his life together enough for it to all happen.
The one sure fire thing I know is She is there.
She's always been there.
If I needed her, she'd come.
I hope...?
I think...?
I don't even know anymore.
I just wish she would come back.
YOU ARE READING
Poems of a Broken Man
PoetryHere you will find short examples of poetry, from me, a broken man. I'm not as broken as others, but as a writer, one of the most creative and vulnerable things you can be is broken. If you have one take away from these, please make it this; Check u...
