Infelicity [P. Parker x Reader]

s i x t e e n

The morning after the heist by those "fake Avengers," I woke up late and was rushing to get out the door on time. I could just portal to school, but even then I'd be late to first period. So why not just enjoy the fact that I'm already late and walk?

I was able to sneak through the side door of the school closest to the chemistry lab and tried to make it into the classroom unseen. Whew, that wasn't so bad. I'm almost to my seat next to Peter in the ba-

"You're late, Miss. (L/N). Come see me after class to hand in the homework. I better not see you working on it during class either," my chemistry teacher said.

I mumbled a quick sorry and plopped down next to Peter. Man, and I was so close to making it look like I was just sharpening my pencil. I guess my backpack gave it away.

Not long after taking my seat, Ned rolled his chair over and whispered to Peter, "Can you spit venom?"

I snorted, and Peter responded with a no, also trying to take notes.

"Can you summon an army of spiders?"

"No, Ned." Peter looked up at the board. I noticed he was very agitated by all the questions.

The questions continued on throughout the morning and before I knew it, we were in the gym watching some sort of video relating to physical education. I wasn't really paying attention until I heard, "Hi, I'm Captain America. Whether you're in the classroom, or on the battlefield, fitness can be the difference between success or failure."

Oh, Capsicle is never going to hear the end of this. I have to find out if there are more videos.

"Thank you, Captain," the P.E. teacher clapped his hands together awkwardly before continuing. "I'm pretty sure this guy's a war criminal, but it's required by the state, so let's do it."

MJ and I were put as a pair and Peter and Ned are next to us. I was working on the sit-ups while MJ was sitting on my feet so she can focus on her book.

At this point, I don't really pay attention to most of Ned's questions, but some of them are pretty funny. I've heard about whether the Hulk smelled nice and if Captain America was nice or like an old grandpa. I really wanted to butt in and say he's like an old grandpa, but Peter kept shutting him up.

"Can I be your guy in the chair?" he asked.

"What?"

"Yeah, you know how there's a guy with a headset telling the other guys where to go?"

Peter looked beyond confused at this point.

"Like, like, if a building is burning, I could tell you where to go. There'd be screens around me and I could swivel around because I could be your guy in the chair!"

"Ned, I don't need a guy in the chair."

Their conversation stopped and a new conversation could be heard. Liz and her posse of followers were playing Fuck, Marry, Kill. Very mature, guys.

"Now see, for me, it'd be F Thor, marry Iron-man, and kill Hulk," Betty Brant said.

"Well what about Spider-Man?" A random kid asked.

"Did you see that video on YouTube? He fought off like four guys!" Liz responded.

"Oh my gosh. She has a crush on Spider-Man."

"Kind of"

"Oh, gross."

At this point, Peter exchanged looks with me and Ned and I knew immediately what Ned was about to do. I looked over harshly at Ned, trying to stop him before he did it, but nothing seemed to reach him.

"Peter knows Spider-Man!" Ned shouted.

I facepalmed. Everyone stopped working on their sit-ups. How more obvious could this get? People are going to be figuring out his identity next.

"No, I don't. I-- I mean," Peter stuttered.

"They're friends."

"Yeah, like Coach Wilson and Captain America are friends," Flash said, laughing.

"I've met him, yeah. A couple times." I slapped my forehead again. By the end of this, I'll have a red spot. Oh Lord, please help this boy. He's digging his grave and Ned gave him the shovel. "But, it's um, through the Stark Internship. Mm-hm. Yeah well, I'm not really supposed to talk about it."

"Well that's awesome. Hey, you know what? You should invite him to Liz's party. Right?" Flash asked. "While you're at it, do you know that newer superhero, Nova, that was with Spider-Man during the ATM robbery? You should get Spider-Man to bring her too! She's hot, in my opinion."

"But did anyone ask for your opinion, Flash?" I asked, trying very hard not to facepalm again.

"Well you make it sound like you know Nova personally, (Y/N). Maybe you should be the one to ask if she can come."

"Um, yeah. I'm having a couple people over tonight. You guys are more than welcome to come," Liz added in.

"Having a party?" Peter asked. That boy is truly lovesick.

"Yeah. It's going to be dope. You should totally invite your personal friend Spider-Man. Oh, and (Y/N) can bring Nova."

"It's okay. I know Peter's way too busy for parties anyway, and I'm sure (Y/N) has other things to do besides interfering with the lives of superheroes, so. . ."

"Come on, he'll be there. Right, Parker?" Flash bumped shoulders with Peter on his way out.

"What are you doing?" He asked Ned as people filed out of the gym.

"Helping you out," He responded back.

"Oh really? And in the middle of 'helping Peter out', you also got me involved!" I said, also annoyed at Ned. Today was just getting better and better.

"Who's the one that sassed Flash about his opinions over Nova?" MJ joined the group, still looking down at the book in hand.

"Wait, so does this mean you know who Nova is?" Ned asked, completely ignoring MJ.

I stayed silent for a second, not really sure what to do. "Um, how would I know Nova?"

"Ha! That's a total yes! You're just as bad as Peter when he tried to convince me he's not-" Ned didn't get any further because Peter clamped a hand over his mouth.

"He's not what?" MJ asked, finally taking the time to look up from her book.

"He's not lactose intolerant," I sayed.

That's a stupid answer. I'm the lactose intolerant one here.

"Yup! I can't eat ice cream or drink milk."

"But I see you drink milk in the cafeteria all the time." Damnit. She doesn't believe us. She knows too much! She must be vaporized or else bad things will happen and our secrets will fall apart!

"Anyway, we're going to that party tonight. Hopefully you and (Y/N) will be able to figure out how to get those superheroes to that party," Ned said, changing the topic away from Peter's secret.

"How am I supposed to get Nova to a party when I don't even know her?" I asked.

"Sure, you don't know her, (Y/N). That's like me saying I'm actually Spider-Man." Ned patted my back and walked away from any further discussion. MJ isn't far behind him.

The gym's empty except for Peter and I now.

"So. You have to go to Liz's party as both Peter and Spider-Man. How are you going to swing that one?" I asked him.

"Did you just-" He asked, turning to face me.

"I did, but that's not the point," I grinned, holding in about five more puns. We both started walking towards the locker rooms.

"At least you only have to get a superhero to the party. You aren't also the person that has to be the superhero." He split from my direction, heading for the guys locker room.

"If only you knew," I muttered.