I wanted to kill my self and you were screaming about dirty dishes.
I wanted to stop being and you were worried about an unmade bed.
You were so worried about the little things and you missed the biggest sign.
I'm sorry I am not the person you thought I was.
I'm sorry that you feel that we're drifting apart but I feel like my life is fading and I have no way to stop it.
I don't have a way to fix this right now but I'm fighting every day just to keep breathing.
So fuck the dishes I will shatter them on the floor before I worry about cleaning them.
Who cares if the bed is unmade the moon will still come up tonight and the sun will follow tomorrow morning.
Stop telling about all the little bad things I keep doing and let me learn to breathe again with the pain I feel.
Let me find the happiness I need to remind myself why I must stay here.
Tell me about all the big things that make me smile and all the moments I have to stay here for.
Help me find a reason not to kill myself.
I know that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem I heard it said enough but they are just words.
My problems don't feel temporary.
Don't tell me to just smile, that it will get better; I've been wearing a fake smile for so long I no longer know what a real smile is.
I wanted to kill myself today again so for once just say fuck the dishes.
YOU ARE READING
Thoughts of a Phantom
PoetryA collection of short pieces created by me about my life. They are styled in a similar format as spoken word poems. Some of the topics are a reference to my own experiences while some are a tribute to others who never got to tell their own. Possible...