The thing most people never can understand is how dead I really am inside. How every nerve ending is dulled and muted. My heart just a slowed stream of blood looking to survive in a body that no longer wanted to be here.
It could be easily overlooked or missed by all the fake smiles and laughs I give. The amount of I am fine and don't worry could deafen any alarms raised. The moments and parties I go to create a whole different image of me. One I would never recognize.
I can easily understand why they don't see how close I'm standing to my future grave but it doesn't make it any easier when I go home alone into my bed for a few days. In which no one will ever check on me. It is in these moments which I will stop fighting my demons, surrendering to the pain created.
It would be so easy to end the pain let the last pieces and reasoning still holding on to life finally die and be in peace. No one would even know until its too late. Even then give it a few days and I'll become a passing memory they soon will forget.
At least in the memories, they can say how much I laughed, smiled, and loved while here. I'll even make sure to smile at the end to ease their pain. I just wished someone would have tried to ease my pain.
Guess it really is true the saddest among us smile the brightest.
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Thoughts of a Phantom
PoesíaA collection of short pieces created by me about my life. They are styled in a similar format as spoken word poems. Some of the topics are a reference to my own experiences while some are a tribute to others who never got to tell their own. Possible...
