"Thanks so much for this morning" I tell him as we walk into the building that I've already forgotten the name of.
"It's alright" he says
"Honestly, you didn't need to be so nice and stuff. Thanks" i say
"It's fine Eden" he says and i nod
"Well, I better get going. Therapy is calling" i say and he chuckles as I walk towards Lousias room
I knock on the door and she opens it.
"Come in" she says and i give her a tight smile as I walk inside
"How are you today?" She asks me
Hungover.
"I'm good you?" I ask her
"I'm very well thanks for asking" she says gesturing for me to sit down and I take my seat across from her.
"Tell me about Kaylee or Connor" she tells me
I sigh and look down.
"You don't like talking bout them do you?" She asks me
"No"
"Why?"
"No good ever comes from digging up the past" I tell her
"Tell me about the day they died?" She asks me
"Connor, it was a radio-controlled IED. The medic tried to administer first aid but it was too late, he was dead" i say
"And Kaylee?" She asks me
"Got shot in front of me and he made me watch" i say
"Who did?" She asks me
"Azizi" i say and she looks down to her papers and writes something down.
"You don't think you would have benefited from a leave of absence?" She asks me
"No. I like to be out there helping people but they don't understand my point of view and they have ordered me to stay off anyway so what difference does it make?" I ask her
"It would have given you a chance to grieve Eden" she says
"Well how does that help anyone? It doesn't, when I'm on deployment I'm there to do my job. If I bring up the past will just create distractions and create problems for everyone around me, so I keep them to myself so I can help others" I say
"It seems to me that your always there for your family and friends, but who's there to hold you up?" She asks me
"You can't be everything to everybody" she says and I look down and the ringing in my ears starts again.
"Can we stop for today?" I ask her, "I've got a splitting headache"
She nods and I stand up and walk towards the door and stop.
"You asked me why I came back to Afghanistan" I begin and she nods
"It's because this place is the only thing I have left of the people I've lost" I tell her
"I told myself I needed to be there but it's a lie, I had to be" i say, "it's the only way I can feel close to them again"
"It's playing in a loop in my mind, everything Kaylee, Connor, Azizi. And that man" I begin tearing up angrily
"That man is out there following me around like I'm a dog he can just play with. They let him back into this country and he's just there. I can't escape him!" I shout
"Hes in my sleep, he's at home, he's in my head. Haunting me. He is literally following me around and I don't know what to do" i say looking around the room
"How does that make you feel?" She asks me
"I want to hurt him, I want him to know what it's like to have his heart ripped out of his chest" I say angrily
"And I know it sounds wrong but he's the reason why two of the closest people in my life are dead. And it makes me angry" I say with tears falling down my face
"I'm angry because he's taken everything from me, everything" I say pointing at no one I particularly.
"And you know what as well?" I ask her, "I look at my siblings and my friends and I'm jealous"
"Im jealous because I will never have what they will have again, they all have each other and I'm standing in the middle on my own" I tell her crying
"Because the people I love, are gone. And there is nothing I can do about it"
•
•
"How are you feeling now?" She asks me pouring me some water
"Like I've just done a marathon" I say and she chuckles
"It may not seem like it now, but it will get easier" she tells me and i nod
"So is that it? Are we done now?" I ask her and she chuckles
"No, it's just the start. The key is to keep talking" she tells me, "that's definitely the recommendation I'll be making in my report"
"So do you think I'm allowed to go back to active duty?" I ask her
"Unfortunately the final decision doesn't actually lie with me" she says and i nod
"If it makes you feel any better, I don't think you have PTSD" she says standing up and i let out a breath
"Your grieving Eden and it doesn't effect your abilities as a solider. You just need to deal with your emotions and then you can go back out there, it's just having the courage to confront your demons. That is what take courage" she tells me
I stand up, "thank you"
She gives me a smile and I walk out of her room.
YOU ARE READING
Last Duty
ActionEden Martinez. Much more than your ordinary eighteen year old girl. At the end of her sophomore year she dropped out of college to join the army, and it was the best decision of her life. Yes it meant that she had to mature quickly, yes that meant...
