Even on the worst day, life is a pretty spectacular thing

Atmosphere

Jessica pulls up in the front of the house. She hesitates. What is she even doing here? She wonders if she should go and ring the doorbell or try the outhouse first. She stays like this a few minutes, considering her options. The one that sounds better right now is driving back to her house. She's about to turn the ignition on when she sees the gift on the passenger seat. This is silly, she came all the way here, she can't just leave now. She wants to give it to Justin but she doesn't really want to face him, so she settles for the outhouse. She doubts the boys will be there so she could easily just drop it in front of the door and leave.

She gets out of the car with the gift in her hand and makes her way to the back of the house. She's about to drop the gift on the mat by the door when she hears someone calling her name. "Jessica!" She turns around to see Matt waving at her from the kitchen window. She waves back, praying he won't invite her in. Matt must see how uncomfortable she is so he tells her "I'll tell him to come out. Wait a second." 

She chuckles. She didn't have to say anything and Matt knew she wanted to see Justin. She'll always be looking for Justin. How pathetic right? 

A few seconds go by and once again she's ready to make a run for it ; drop the gift and just drive away but before she can plan any escape strategy Justin opens the back door and begins to go down the stairs that lead to the garden. He seems as uncomfortable as she is. 

"Hey." "Hey." he responds once he reaches her, his hands in his pockets, clearly unsure of what to say or do. She doesn't either so she goes straight to the point. "Merry Christmas." She hands him the gift. He takes it and looks at it like it could be a trap of some sort. 

"Thank you." He looks at her, hesitates on what he should say next. "You shouldn't have." 

Part of her is still really mad at him so she snaps "I agree, I shouldn't." He looks down at the ground like a small child that has just been scolded. 

She feels guilty. She hates when he's like this so she ads with a warmer tone "I got this for you before ... and it's not like I can just give it to someone else so you might as well accept it." He looks at her, still like a child but this time like a child that has been caught doing something wrong. 

"I'm sorry. I ... I don't have anything for you." "I can't say I'm surprised." He feels guilty. He wants her to hate him but it's hard to be a total dick to her when once again everything she does his shower him with love. Jessica sees her last comment made him feel guilty and it wasn't her intention. 

"It's okay. It's awkward enough with one gift and I think if you tried to give me something I might have thrown it at your face anyway." She jokes and it makes him laugh. God, she missed his laugh. 

He takes the envelop off the gift and is about to open it when she stops him "Don't open it." He looks at her, perplexed. "So, you gave me a gift but I'm not allowed to open it?" 

She takes it from his hands. "I want you to have this but I don't want you to open it right now."He shakes his head. "What?" "Just wait until I leave to open it okay?" She places it back in his hands.

Now is the moment she's supposed to leave but she's stuck here, in front of him, unable to move. She wants to ask what she didn't the last time they saw each other. Why didn't he call her? Why did he lie? Why didn't he just broke up with her before leaving? What changed once he did? She shakes her head. No, she won't ask any of this. This is Christmas. His first Christmas with his new family. 

He's looking at her. Part of him wants nothing else than to kiss her but the other part wonders what he could say to make her hate him. He thought she did when she left the night he broke up with her but here she was, giving him a present.

Jessica is resigned. She needs to accept the fact they're not together anymore. She wants nothing more than to hear how his first real Christmas is going on, what he got, how he feels, if he's happy. That's when it hits her. 

She doesn't wanna know. She hopes he's happy, he deserves it. Her heart is already shattered and it won't help knowing he's doing great without her.

She turns around and begins her short walk to the car when Justin calls her name. "Jess." 

He's the only person who always calls her by her nickname. Her heart breaks and melts at the same time. She stops and turns around to face him. 

She can't help but hope that maybe he changed his mind. Maybe everything he told her that night was a mistake and maybe he still does love her. 

"Thank you... and merry Christmas." This time it's clear, her heart breaks. She gives him a little smile and turns around as fast as possible, feeling tears filling her eyes and starting to roll down her cheeks. 

Is this why she wanted to come to give him his gift? Did she really think he would change his mind once he saw her? Is she that desperate? Yes, she is, and she knows it which makes it even worse somehow.

Jessica is finally out of sight. Justin looks at the gift in his hands with a sad smile. He saw the hope in her eyes when she turned around but he won't change his mind, no matter how hard it is for both of them right now. With time, it will get easier. He hopes it will. 

"Your ass need to be at the dinning table in 2 minutes or, and I quote dad 'We might as well eat a salad if we're eating cold anyway.'" Clay calls him from the kitchen window. Justin laughs. "I'm coming." 

He makes a small detour to the outhouse and places Jessica's gift on his nightstand. He'll look at it later. He then joins the rest of his family to have the first Christmas family meal of his life.