Sweet Caroline

#18 Dating around

After my awkward phone call with Nathan I decide that I need something to keep my mind off of him for good. When I reached this point with Danny, where I was absolutely sure that I needed to do something to just delete him from my brain, I moved away, but I can't keep doing that, so I decide to do the next best thing. I'm gonna get all the apps on phone, swipe left and right until I get some matches and date the shit out of every guy I can.

Not for sex – I don't want to jump right into something – but just to assure myself that there are decent guys my own age out there, who don't have kids who I could end up teaching, who aren't like Danny, or Nathan, or any guy I've dated before. I just need a normal guy who wants to take me out to dinner or buy me a drink or take me for a walk or something. I don't give a shit what the date will be, I just know that I need to stop focusing on Nathan.

That's how I end up in the park on Friday around noon, looking around to see if my date is already here. A tall guy with blonde hair that falls into his face waves at me from the other side of the park. Yeah, that's him. Paul. He looks just like his pictures, which is a relief.

"You look beautiful," he says the moment we reach each other. "I really like your coat."

"Thanks." It's just a random black coat, nothing sexy. I purposely didn't dress up for this date. It's just a walk in the park and maybe we'll get something to eat, but that's it. I'm in jeans, a Christmas sweater and a black coat that used to be my mom's. "You look good too."

To be fair, he really does. Dark blue jeans, black button-up shirt and a beige coat hanging open over it. He looks like he did dress up at least a bit, more than I did for sure. All I know about him is that he's 25, getting his accountancy degree and working as a bartender. His blue eyes are rather striking and he's got a nice build. Not the hottest guy I've ever seen, but not bad either.

We walk around for a while, chatting easily. Paul turns out to be quite funny, cracking me up a few times. When he asks me if I want to get some lunch after strolling through the park for an hour, I decide to just go with it. He's nice enough and I don't have anywhere to be. He takes me to a cute little Italian place and we share a pizza. It's all very lovely and civil, but there are no sparks flying. By the end of the date, I already know that he's not the one for me. I'm not really looking for the one, of course, but he's not even going to be the one to take my mind off of Nathan.

He wants to walk me back home afterwards, but I assure him that's not necessary. He seems a bit disappointed, but he doesn't press the matter. Surely he didn't expect me to take him back to my place in the middle of the afternoon? At least we split the bill at lunch, so I don't feel too bad about shutting him down. He wanted to pay, like a gentleman, but I hate it when guys pay for me. A man can buy me a drink, sure, but not lunch or dinner. It always makes me feel like I owe them something afterwards. I'm a strong, independent woman. No need for a guy to pay for me.

I feel a little better after the date, though. Paul was nice. Not more than that, but nice all the same. I get back on the app and see that I've got three more matches. I scroll through them and see that there's one guy I was quite excited about when I swiped him into the yes pile. His name is Darius and he's got deep brown eyes and a shitload of tattoos that cover his arms and neck. Before Nathan, I'd have never gone for a guy like that, but tattoos have grown on me. Darius is handsome in an unexpected way, with his somewhat crooked nose, short black hair and devilish grin. He doesn't look like relationship material at all, and maybe that's what I need. Paul didn't do the trick for me, after all.

He shoots a message back when I say hi and within three minutes, we already agree to meet up for cocktails. He lives one town over and that works for me, since I don't want to run into anyone I know. I'm not sure if I'm gonna let Darius take me home if he wants to, but I have a feeling that after a few drinks I just might be into that. Who cares? I'm young, fun, single, and sort of on the rebound. And I never did have that one-night stand I was planning on having. Maybe that's what I need.