Sweet Caroline

#57 Sharing a smoke

No matter how hard I try, I don't manage to get on better terms with Angelo the next day. He doesn't call me names again, but he also doesn't really talk to me at all. Gina, Jillian and Sean are nice to me and Nathan is the perfect boyfriend, but by the end of the day, I feel more uncomfortable than ever. When we're all out for a walk late that afternoon and I catch Angelo glaring at me over his shoulder for the fourth time in half an hour, I decide that I need a break. This is too much.

"I'm going back to the house," I tell Nathan softly. "I need a moment."

"Did Angelo-" he starts to ask, but I shake my head.

"Nothing happened, but I just..." I take a deep breath and I can feel tears forming in my eyes. Crap, I don't want to break down here. Not now. "I'll be fine, Nate. I just need a moment to myself. This weekend is very... intense. Do you think Angelo and Gina would be okay with me borrowing their keys so I can get back inside?"

Nathan pulls out his own keys. "I've got a spare key. Here, it's the round one. Are you sure you don't want me to come with you?"

"Yes, I'm sure. You go catch up with your friends." The other four are already at the end of the street, looking back at us to see what's keeping us. "I honestly just need to be on my own. They won't mind that I'm gonna be in their house all alone, right?" I suddenly feel even more uncomfortable. "Angelo might not want me to-"

"Fuck Angelo," Nathan tells me with a small smile. "Gina won't mind and I don't really give a shit about what Angelo wants right now. You go and take all the time you need. I'll make sure we won't be back for another hour."

I kiss him softly and swallow back my tears, pretending to be alright. I turn around and walk back the way we came. It's only fifteen minutes back to the house. I trust that Nathan will explain my absence to his friends and to be honest, I don't really care right now. Surely they understand that Angelo's cold attitude was bound to get to me. They've all known each other for ages and are perfectly in synch, but I'm struggling to fit in. They're all in their late thirties or forties with kids and mortgages and all that adult stuff. I may be an adult as well, but I've never felt so young and out of place in my life. Maybe the age gap between me and Nathan is a bigger deal than I thought after all.

The moment I'm back in the house, I allow myself to cry. I know I will be fine in a little while, but I need to let out all this built-up tension somehow. Ten minutes later, I feel a hell of a lot better. I go up to the bedroom to change into some yoga pants and a sweatshirt. Nathan assured me last night that I could stop dressing up and trying to impress everyone, so I may as well just be myself. Angelo hates my guts no matter what I wear and the other three are fine with me already. At least I feel more at ease now, even though I am on my own in someone else's home.

I watch TV for a few minutes, but I know that I won't truly calm down until I find something to do. I text Nathan to ask him if Gina and Angelo are okay with me using their kitchen to cook so that we can all have dinner together when they get back from their walk. Nathan calls me immediately, happy to hear that I don't sound so sad anymore. He hands me to Gina, who tells me that I really don't need to cook dinner for everyone, but if I insist that I can turn the whole kitchen upside down for all she cares. I assure her that won't be necessary and hang up with a smile.

I put on some music on the background before I start going through the kitchen to find out what ingredients I can find to work with. The pantry is fully stocked, as well as the fridge, so I've got a lot of things to choose from. I know that making pasta is not an option because Gina and Angelo are both Italian and would probably scoff at my take on the Italian cuisine, so I decide on something else instead. My chicken and parmesan risotto is usually a big hit and I know for a fact that it's one of Nathan's favorite dishes, so I start by marinating the chicken. Technically, risotto is an Italian dish too, but I feel confident enough about my skills to know that this won't make them scoff. There are so many vegetables in the fridge that I decide to make a side salad as well. The longer I look, the more ideas I get. Half an hour later, I've got a three-course meal planned out and I'm chopping tomatoes like there's no tomorrow.