Sweet Caroline

#33 Do you want to be...?

We spend an hour with Shaughna and she gives Nathan the third degree, of course, but she seems over her initial worry that he is some dangerous criminal who's gonna corrupt me. She fixes us a quick bite before we both head out. My car is in front of her place, so I drive Nathan to his car and we both start the long drive back home. It's weird to not drive together, but we both need our cars, so it's just the way it is.

He doesn't go home, luckily. Instead, he parks his car one block from my apartment and texts me when he's close so I can quickly let him in without – hopefully – Annabel seeing. It feels ridiculous to worry about that right now, but we need to be smart about this. This is not my hometown where no one knows him. This is the place where every person that sees us could recognize one or even both of us and then all hell would break lose.

We sit down on the couch with a glass of red wine and some nachos. I don't turn on the TV because I can tell right away Nathan wants to talk to me about something.

"So..." he starts, sipping his wine. "We never talked about... us."

"Us?" I repeat. "We're still dating, right? Going slow and seeing where this goes? What more is there to talk about?"

He raises an eyebrow at me. "So you weren't worried and annoyed when you didn't hear from me for a week?"

Oh. That. "Yeah... I was."

"Come on, Caroline. You called me last night. You obviously had something to say to me. Be honest with me."

He's right. We do need to talk about us. "I sort of figured you were done with me."

"Yeah, I thought the same thing about you before you called." He smiles at my surprise. "Come on, Caroline, think about it. You probably thought that I was playing house with Elise and realizing that I don't want anything to distract me from Rose. Is it really that strange that I thought that everything that went down was too intense for you and that you finally decided that you didn't want a relationship with someone like me? Someone with an ex-wife and a kid and shitload of problems."

"That's... yeah, that's pretty much exactly what I thought." I laugh along with him, but I know that we need to have a serious conversation about that. "I'm glad I was wrong. Why did you come last night? I know you said you wanted to see me and talk to me, but it's not like you don't still have all the problems you just listed. I get that Rose is your priority right now. I don't mean to be an unwelcome distraction."

Nathan shakes his head, looking almost angry. "Why do you think of yourself that way, Caroline? Is it not completely obvious that I'm mad about you?"

I don't answer him, but I feel a pleasant shiver move up my spine. Most of the compliments I've gotten from him have been in bed or when we're kissing or something. It's nice to just sit here fully clothed on the couch and to hear him say those words.

"Living with Elise for a week was hell on earth," he goes on. "Sure, it was what we both needed, neither of us wanted to be away from Rose and she needed both of us. Doesn't mean I wasn't going crazy every single day she spent the night – in the guestroom, in case you were wondering. Nothing happened between me and her. Not since the divorce."

"Okay." If he says nothing happened, I believe him. I trust him. "I'll try to stop thinking that you'll decide to go back to her or that you might realize that I'm too young for you or that I'm taking away from your time with Rose. Why did you come, though?"

"Elise always spends New Year's with her parents, and I felt secure enough in all of them keeping an eye on Rose, so I was going to be on my own for New Year's anyway. If I spend more than an hour with Elise's parents someone is going to end up hitting someone. Most likely her dad hitting me. No way I was spending the entire evening and night with them. When you called, Elise was still with me, but she was already packing up her things." He pauses and reaches out to touch my face in a tender caress. "And I missed you like hell, Caroline. I always miss you when I'm not with you. When Shaughna texted me that you were doubting my feelings for you-"