Drafts of the Soul

Inside My Head

TRIGGER WARNING: SUICIDE!!!!!

Read at your own risk.

My head is filled

with racing thoughts

that are always giving me headaches

and it makes me feel exhausted

all the time.

It's not easy to have such condition

like there's someone's voice

echoing inside your head

telling you negative things.

"You can't do this and that."

"They don't care about you."

"You're nothing and no one deserves you since then."

"You can't achieve your dreams so why are you still setting up your goals."

"You're just a pathetic person and a speck of dust."

"You don't deserve to live."

"You should die."

Those words

are just some words

that are always running

in my mind.

Actually,

there's a lot

and it's hard to focus on things in my life.

Having depression and anxiety is very hard

especially when encountering obstacles in your life journey.

You will always feel hopeless and worthlessness.

No one will understand you.

Even you ---

can't understand yourself either.

It's hard to deal with these mental conditions.

They will ruin your life,

your relationship with others,

and

your dreams.

You can't understand now

what's inside your head because of

too many thoughts.

You can barely focus at school,

work, etc.

and it makes you

go crazy.

The hardest part here is

when you try to seek help to your friends and family

but they always say:

"You always overthink things."

"That's why you ended up like this."

"I suggest you to think positive."

How could I think positively

if there's this thing

you can't explain

always block and keep monitoring your mind

like there's someone manipulating you?

How?

Tell me?

I can't even explain why I am like this

and why I can't control it.

So there's only one way

to get rid of this.

To end your life.

No one understands you.

They can't understand you.

So do I.