𝐔𝐧𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐭𝐮𝐧𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐞 | 𝐊𝐥𝐚𝐮𝐬 𝐁𝐚𝐮𝐝𝐞𝐥𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐞

𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝟏𝟐 - Life Is A Conundrum Of Esoterica

One thing that I have found is that of Veronica and the Baudelaires becomes too upsetting for me, when it becomes absolutely overwhelming, it is useful to stop for a moment of contemplation with a cup of tea or some other powerful beverage. However, I can sip my tea knowing that Sunny Baudelaire and Veronica Bella absolutely survives this particular incident. It is Dr. Montgomery, however, who ends up dead, although not yet.

The snake leapt onto Sunny and wrapped itself around her, making the youngest Baudelaire laugh. "Do something! Get the snake!" Klaus exclaimed. "Sunny!" Violet screamed. The snake looked up at Veronica's crystal-like, blue eyes and it smiled at her before slithering around her legs. "You let a deadly snake bit our sister and friend! I told you we couldn't trust him!" Klaus yelled. Monty only laughed in response, taking the Incredibly Deadly Viper away from Veronica's legs. "I'm terribly sorry, children. I'm sorry..." Monty said, as Klaus made sure Veronica was okay and Violet picked up Sunny, checking that she wasn't hurt. "But the Incredibly Deadly Viper is one of the friendliest and least dangerous animals in the entire animal kingdom. Sunny and Veronica will come to no harm and neither will you." He smiled.

"But it's called The Incredibly Deadly Viper." Violet clarified. "Yes, it's a misnomer. Do you know what that means?" Monty questioned. "A very wrong name?" Klaus questioned. "Well, a very fitting definition..." Monty replied as Sunny cooed at the snake.

"Why would you give your own discovery the wrong name?"

"Because I intend to play a little joke on those stuffed shirts at the Herpetological Society. Pay back for years of ridicule, 'Hello, hello, Montgomery Montgomery. How do you do, how do you do, Montgomery Montgomery?' Well, at our next meeting, I'm going to introduce The Incredibly Deadly Viper and then pretend it's escaped. And you know who'll be laughing then? Me!"

"Are there any snakes in this room that are dangerous?" Violet asked, cautiously. "Well, of course!" Monty exclaimed. "You can't study and not find some that are dangerous. I have an entire cabinet full of venom samples known to man...and woman." He explained. "Which leads me to the heart of the operation..." Monty lead the children to a small library filled with books, making Veronica and Klaus smile brightly.

"Now, bambini, this is the most important part of the Reptile Room, my scientific library. The deepest secrets of the snake world can be found in these pages. And I hope that you'll find them." Veronica grazed her hand along the books. "So we're allowed to read all these books?" Klaus asked, looking at the books in awe. "You are not only allowed, you are implored to read these books!"

"You know, I always wanted to have a family of my own. But...time flies like a winged lizard...now I know that a few dangerous reptiles can make you skeptical of the entire species. But if you give them a chance, and you get to know them enough to tell the dangerous from the good..." Monty said, as he grabbed a chameleon off one of the shelf's and let it make it's way onto Klaus's arm. "I promise you...no harm will come to you in the Reptile Room..."

~~~~~~~

Veronica sat next to Sunny with the turtle, feeding him. "Woe is me, woe is me..." The broken-hearted crocodile repeated. "Don't be sad, Uncle Monty will be down soon." Violet reassured. "Vi, it can't understand you. Monty said the broken-hearted crocodile's mating call just happens to sound like depressed human speech." Veronica explained. "I know, Vera. I just like talking to it." Violet said.

"I wish he'd go back outside, he's...annoying..." Klaus groaned, rolling his eyes. "Woe is me..." The broken-hearted crocodile said again. "Woe is you?!" Klaus yelled, causing Veronica to jump a little. "We're the ones who's parents have perished in a fire and now we're being passed around like hot potatoes!" Veronica gave a worried face for Klaus. "Look, Klaus, it can't understand you..." She muttered. "I know that!" Klaus exclaimed. Veronica stood up, whilst patting Sunny's head, and then walked over to Klaus. "Sorry..." He muttered.

"Klaus, I know how you feel. I barely even knew anything about my parents and Monty seems like a better guardian than Count Olaf..." Veronica reassured. "And it seems like your parents really wanted you here." She smiled. "Veronica, but that's just it! Our parents never mentioned Dr. Montgomery. Why did we we never visit him? Violet, I thought we knew all our parents's friends. I thought we knew everything about them." Klaus responded. "I'm sure they had a good reason for not telling us about Monty." Violet said. "Maybe it was the same reason they sent us to Briny Beach that day." Klaus wondered. "Or maybe there was a more sinister reason." 

"Bambini? Veronica?" Monty called, walking into the room. "There you are, bambini, how was your day?" He then asked with a smile. "Violet polished the tortoise, me and Sunny fed it some bananas and Klaus clipped the iguana's nails." Veronica said. "Ah, thank you, I'm so grateful. Perhaps while I'm out, you can lure the androgynous cobra out of my sock drawer." Monty smiled.

"Where are you going?" Klaus questioned. "Well, I'm gonna go into town and pick up a few things that I like to keep stock. Wasp repellent, canned peaches, a fireproof canoe. And then tonight, we'll go and see our first movie. Won't that be exciting?" Monty explained. "What movie are we seeing?" Veronica asked, eager to know. "Well, we know until we get there." Monty replied. "I've never heard of a movie theater that doesn't tell you what movie is playing..." Klaus said.

"Klaus Baudelaire, I have a feeling there are many things that you're going to see that you've never heard of before. Life is a conundrum of esoterica...come along, Raymond Ditmars." Monty stated and he put a leash on a lizard that was sat on a armchair. He then put it down and started to walk it like a dog, making Veronica chuckle. "There we go! Come along, now there we go. Ta-ta for now!" Monty smiled before leaving the room. "What did he mean by 'conundrum of esoterica'?"

"Well, a conundrum is a mystery, and esoterica are obscure objects or documents." Klaus said, answering Violet's question. Veronica walked out of the room with her hands behind her back. She walked up the stairs and looked to the picture that she saw when she and the Baudelaires arrived at Monty's. She still did not know what it was, all she knew was that it was a bunch of kids in uniform and masks along with a old man in a grey trench-coat and black hat. She felt that Monty was hiding something from her and he didn't want to tell her.

The door bell suddenly rang and Veronica walked down to the front door to open it. It was a mistake to open that door, because behind it, was a person she thought to have never see again...