My Brothers Friend || Zach Herron

Find A Way To Forgive Me

I have been pregnant for about 14 and a half weeks, currently the only people that know are my doctor and Christina. I have had one doctors appointment to confirm that i am indeed pregnant, today I am going in for my first ultra sound.
I am really conflicted with this whole situation, eventually I'm going to start showing right? and I'm just not ready to tell anyone but I feel guilty keeping it from people. I don't know what to do anymore, I'm just taking it day by day and keeping to myself. I get calls from Christina everyday and I fill her in on what's going on, she always tells me to tell someone but I never do, it just feels like my brain hasn't caught up with my body and my brain is telling me its not happening and I believe it, I want to believe it. 
***

"you ready to see your little one ms. Besson" Doctor Jacobs walked into the room. 
I was getting my ultra sound today, I always imagined this day but I didn't expect to be alone. 
"as ready as ill ever be" I hitched my breath as the cold gel hit my bare skin.
"right there" he pointed at the screen and tears came to my eyes, there was a baby, a real baby. "do you wanna know the gender today?" he was entering things into the computer as he was talking
"yeah sure, why not" I was shaking. 
"well congratulations y/n, you having a baby boy" he smiled as he wiped the gel off my stomach and walked out of the room.
a single tear fell down my cheek as I pulled down my shirt, more began to fall as I grabbed my bag.
doctor Jacobs walked back in the room "ok sweetie you next appointment will be on May 15th" 
"ok thank you" I wiped my cheek and walked outside into the parking garage. 
I sat in my car as I cried, it was real now, seeing that photo made this whole thing real. I was pregnant with a baby boy, and the father is Zach. I needed to tell him, no more avoiding it, this was real life and not a dream. This was real. 
I put the car in drive and pulled out of the parking garage. I am going to tell him when I get home, this is not over the phone stuff, just take him for a walk or something and tell him. I had a meeting with Dave today, the boys thought I was there so everything worked out. We were going over marketing for my new EP now that we had everything recorded and put together so we were going to talk about putting out teasers and stuff. 
***

I walked up to Dave's door and knocked "come in!" I walked in and saw Dave watching the tv in the corner of the room, a news story about rumors of Ariana Grande being pregnant. "that poor girl" he said before even looking at me 
"what do you mean?" he clicked off the screen as i sat door in front of his desk.
"her career could be over" I felt a huge lump grown in my throat "I mean if they can shut these rumors down and make it all go away then they have nothing to worry about" 
"is being pregnant really that big deal in this business" I stared at me fingers, growing more and more scared. He looked at me confused, like I should have known the answer.
"not always" he leaned back and put his leg up on his knee "depends on you audience, the younger you audience have the more of a concern it is, the younger the artist is the more of a concern it is, your relationship status has an impact." he looked at me and just stared "why so curious"  
"um, just wondering ya know" I gave a weak attempt at a smile but he wasn't buying it.
"I feel like you aren't telling me something y/n" he leaned forward and put crossed him arms on the desk "is their something you aren't telling me" 
"what would happen to my career if I was, ya know, pregnant" I didn't look up, it wasn't helping my situation and yet I couldn't do anything else.
"well you and Zach broke up right?" 
"correct"
"and you are how old?"
"18"
"and how young is you audience?"
"I don't know, like 8-18" 
"so there is a problem, you are a single 18 year old with a typically young audience" he knew what was coming and I could see it in his face. "are you pregnant?" 
"maybe" I mumbled
"y/n?"
"14 weeks" he sighed and placed his head in his hands 
"y/n" he leaned back and "you have so much potential" 
"yeah, I know I messed up, it just happened and I'm just trying to figure it out" 
"Now I'm in a really tough place right now y/n" 
"please don't kick me off, I barely got started, I'm not even international yet, I have so much more to give, please" I finally looked up and I was holding back tears. I was just getting started, it cant be over this fast. 
"y/n you have an audience of little kids, you are a role model to these young girls out there!" he raised his voice and it kinda scared me "what kinda of example do you think you are going to set for these kids if you come out and say you pregnant, with no boyfriend or husband" 
"please Dave" 
"I don't know what to do y/n, we have to think about you image, your audience" my mind was running at top speed and I could feel my stomach twist as I was trying to hold back tears. "how am I supposed to make it look good, a teen pregnancy is not something that this company is known for, its not part of our look"
"what am I supposed to do now" 
"y/n" he just sighed "this was one of the things within the contract that you, anything such as pregnancies could put you in jeopardy with this company, its something you signed up for and at this point its out of my hands" he put his hands up and gave me a look that showed I wasn't getting out of this.
"Dave, I have so much more to offer, please don't let one mistake take this away from me" I was so close to crying and I was surprised I got the whole thing out without letting tears fall.
"I don't know what you want me to say y/n"
"so you're kicking me off?" I was already grabbing my bag and was ready to make a bee line for the hall.
"its not final, I'm going to need to talk to some people for a final answer, ill email you" he went to pick up the phone and I knew that it meant our meeting was cancelled.
I stood up and headed for the door "y/n" Dave stopped me with my hand on the door
"yeah" I choked out
"I hope it doesn't have to come to that" he gave me a weak smile and I just nodded and walked out.
I headed straight to my car without looking at anyone. I just sat and cried for a solid 20 minutes, I didn't know what to do anymore. I'm at risk of losing my entire career, all I worked for is falling out of my hands and I cant stop it. I don't know what to do. 
I know what I'm not gonna do, tell Zach.
if this takes away all I worked for, something like this could destroy everything he has sacrificed, not to mention the rest of the boys, I couldn't do that to them, they have worked so hard and sacrificed so much to get to where they are in their life, i cant do that. 
 
I pulled into drive way and pulled myself together by putting on the spare mascara and lip gloss I kept in the center console. As I stepped out of the car I noticed Corbyn standing in the front yard he waved and walked me to the door.
"how did your meeting go?" he asked as he opened the door for me.
"um," I scratched the back of my head "it went well, yeah it went well"
"great, great" he rubbed my back as I walked inside, he went to the kitchen and I headed for my room.
"y/n!" I saw Daniel sitting on the couch, two bowls of ice cream on the coffee table and a blanket. Shoot, that's tonight. "which show did we decide on?"
"I'm sorry Daniel but I don't think I'm up for watching tonight" i saw his face drop and I felt bad but I just didn't wanna be around other people right now. 
"are you sure? we can watch Nancy drew, instead of the umbrella academy if that's that you want" he tried to compromise. 
"sorry Daniel"  I walked up the stairs, leaving behind a sad Daniel.
I needed to figure out what I was going to do, I flopped on my bed and watched my ceiling fan spin around and around and around until I fell asleep.
***