I Love You, Always

Chapter 1

Hello! I just want to chime in here really quick to leave a quick note. This is the first book that I ever started of the eight books I have now written. I began writing this book in 2015 as a project in one of my upper level college courses. I have just finished it this year after a long period of time with writer's block trying to figure out where to take this. Overall, I am happy with the end result, and I hope that you will enjoy reading it! 

For future reference, this story does discuss some dark themes that may trigger some people such as sexual assault and suicide.

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Moving sucks. It's one of the most annoying and stressful experiences, especially because it involves not only moving to a different city, a different house, or a different school, but also leaving so much behind—people and places and things I've known my entire life. I left behind more than a crowded high school with constant broken air conditioning, or the ridiculously strong scent of barbecue wafting through the streets of Austin, or even a worn down apartment much too small for two sixteen year old boys and their older brother.

I left behind hallways and rooms and staircases I spent years feeling my way through and around. I left behind the route from school to home I walked with my twin brother five days a week. I left behind the concrete steps in front of the doors of the school, and that third step from the bottom that was crumbled in the middle, slightly on the right side, causing it to dip down further than the rest. I left behind the strawberry scented candles my best friend, Lexy, always keeps in her bedroom; the soft, fluffy fur of her cat, Snowflake, that she received for her fourteenth birthday; the constant clicking of keys as her mom curled up on the sofa, working on her next book; and the humming of her other mom's sewing machine from a room away.

The stench of cigarettes from Derrick's clothes, the squeaky doors and cold leather seats of his car, Devyn's obnoxious rapping from the back seat, and the nothing that's obscured my vision for the past ten years of my life are the only things that follow me.

If I could see where I walk instead of memorizing the floor plan of every new hallway and room and the number of stairs in every staircase, if I could look at Lexy's face over a Skype call instead of listening to her voice, if I could describe her home by the sight of her moms working instead of the sounds, or what her bedroom looks like instead of what it smells like, then all of this wouldn't be so bad.

#

"Damian."

"Hm?" I turn my head in the direction of Derrick's voice, not lifting my cheek from its spot pressed against my knuckles. He nudges me in the shoulder.

"Checkin' to make sure you didn't fall asleep. You took your medicine last night, right?"

"Mm-hm." I hum and nod, straightening in my seat. I didn't really. Take my medicine last night, that is. But Derrick doesn't know that and as far as I'm concerned, he won't know that anytime soon. "Just makes me drowsy still," I tell him. It is true and part of the reason I stopped taking it. Not only that, but it started causing me to have weird dreams. I like my old meds better.

"Give it time," he says and I can hear his footsteps travel across the hardwood floor. "'M sure the side effects'll wear off soon." There's a rattling noise, then Derrick's footsteps again as he comes back around to me. "One or two?"

More medication. The anxiety meds aren't as bad and I like them better because I can take more than one if I need to. Devyn's been sick for a couple days and knowing he isn't going to be coming with me on our first day of school today is enough to make me feel more anxious than usual. The fact that I have to walk into a brand new school in general hikes up my anxiety levels.