I Love You, Always

Chapter 23

Simon's POV

Two days pass with no sign of Damian or Devyn at school and no texts from Damian as well, which seriously has me worried. The first day I thought Damian may be sick, but now I think something really bad has happened, especially for both Damian and Devyn to be gone and for Damian to not be responding to me. He would definitely have texted me by now if he were sick.

The shitty part of this all is that I have no one else I can contact who could tell me anything. I don't have Devyn or Derrick's numbers to reach out to them. I nearly considered going to their apartment, but backed out of that plan pretty quickly. I don't want to randomly show up at their place. It might be kind of weird. So, the only option I'm left with is to wait for Damian to show up to school or for him to eventually text me back.

On the third day, Friday, there's still no sign of Damian but Devyn shows up and I can't wait any longer, I have to talk to stop him the moment I catch him in the hallway. He and I are on friendly terms, I suppose. We aren't exactly friends, but I've talked to him a couple times and he's okay.

"Hey, is Damian okay?" I ask, right off the bat. "I haven't heard anything from him in a couple days..."

Devyn looks pretty tired. "Um," his voice cracks a little when he speaks and he clears his throat before he continues, "not really," he says and that makes me more concerned. I need to know what's going on. "Do you remember Lexy? I think you met her once," Devyn says and I nod. It's been a while since I met her that first time, but I do remember her. Mostly I remember the overwhelming feeling of jealousy I had when she was around because she and Damian were glued to the hip. If I didn't know that Damian was gay I would have assumed they both liked each other.

"Yeah, I remember her," I reply.

Devyn looks uncomfortable. It's obvious he's holding himself back from something, but his voice is thick with emotion as he speaks again and wavers a little. "Uh, she...she killed herself Tuesday night," he says quietly.

Of all the things he could have said to me, that was definitely not what I was expecting. At first, I feel shocked by the news. I didn't know her very well but from the one time I met her and based on the things Damian has said about her, I never would have imagined she would do something like that. As the shock begins to subside, a dull ache in my chest replaces it as I realize how devastated Damian must feel right now. I definitely can imagine how he feels because I've been through it, I've experienced grief so strong that it feels like your entire world is falling apart. That's how it felt for me when my mom died.

"He's not talking to anyone," Devyn goes on. "It's been hard on all of us, but him especially."

I have absolutely no idea know what to say. I've never been very good with words and I definitely don't know what to say to someone who's grieving, but I do know that Devyn and I are very similar to each other in many aspects, so I get the feeling that Devyn wouldn't want me to say anything.

Devyn stuffs his hands in his pockets and shuffles his feet. "I don't know if he'll talk to you, but if you wanted to see him, you could try to come over and talk to him. He might appreciate that, I don't know honestly."

Truthfully, that's the only thing that's on my mind right now, is wanting to see Damian. I don't know if it's a good idea or not, but I can't say no. I want to see him today, but I think tomorrow might be better. Tomorrow's Saturday, so I would have more time to spend with him. If he wants me around, that is, so I accept Devyn's offer.

"Yeah, I can come over tomorrow," I say.

"Cool. I'll, uh, let Derrick know tonight."

I don't hang around to talk to Devyn much longer than that because there isn't much for us to talk about and I have to get to class. Of course, I can't concentrate on anything the rest of the day. All I can think about is Damian and how he must be feeling right now. Thinking about that makes me think about when I lost my mom eight years ago. It still doesn't feel like that much time has passed, but it has. It's easier to cope with now but it still sucks. There are times it gets to me more than usual, but right now all I can think about is the pain that I felt soon after she passed away. To this day, it's the worst pain I've ever experienced and I never want to experience something like that again.