Tied Down.

I hate you.

You know that feeling of when you step out into a road and then see a car so quickly step back again but feel like you were so close to being hit and your heart can barley keep a steady pace?
That happened a few times to me as a kid and as an adult, much hasn't changed.

Right now my heart is racing like it would in that situation. I can't focus on anything. I'm scared.
You know what no.
Fuck being scared. I'm terrified.
Yet even that word is too tame.

I don't know what's happening, I don't know what I'm feeling.
I don't know what their plans are for us now. What's going to happen?

Rat and Toad didn't say a word when we got back, just placed us back in the room, locked the door and left.

Phil and I, I don't know what terms we're on right now.
I disobeyed his strict orders and I know I don't have to listen to him, but at the same time I feel like I do.
He's not said a word either, he's just curled against the wall, probably silently crying to himself. I want to comfort him but I know what he's like.

The silence in here is deafening. It's uneasy.
Usually Phil and I can sit in a comfortable silence. But that's not happening right now.

The silence breaks like a crows call in a graveyard as I clear my throat.

Phil sits and doesn't react.

I cough loudly, his head twitches slightly, but then nothing.

I crawl up to his side, bringing my knees to my chest and nudging his ribs with my elbow.
"Dan," he warns. I smile a little.
At least he can talk.

"Phil? Speak to me." I whimper, tugging at his jumper.
Even with terror running through my veins, I'm in one of those playful moods which always distract me.
"Phil I'm lonely."

Still no response.
I then smirk and fake shiver. "Phil, I'm cold." He raises his head and pauses for a second before sighing and turning so he's facing me.
I look down at him with a raised eyebrow.

"I hate you." he mumbles, shutting his eyes.

I know he doesn't mean it. He says it all the time at home.
Home. I wonder when we'll see that again?

"No you don't." I reply softly.
His body tenses up and he suddenly gets up and grabs the collar of my shirt, with all his strength he lifts me up and pins me against the wall.
"Ah, Phil!" I exclaim.

"Shut up Dan! I do hate you, I hate you with every inch of me right now, I feel sick even looking at you!" He growls, his dark blue eyes piercing into mine. It's at this moment that I know that he's not joking.

"Phil-" I'm cut off when he pulls hard at my hair, making me whimper and have to look him in the eyes as he forces my head up.

"I hate you so much. You shouldn't be here, you shouldn't be with me in this damn room!" Tears start building up in my eyes and he bites his lip harshly before choking out a laugh, although it sounds like a wet laugh.
"You never listen. Why didn't you hide? Why didn't you listen to me?!" He exclaims, his fist tightening on my shirt collar.

My hands tremble in fear at this person standing in front of me.
This Phil horrifies me. He's scaring the shit out of me and I can't even do anything. I'd almost go as far as today he's scaring me more than Rat and Toad ever did.

"You should have let me die. You should have just let them kill me." He mumbles, tears now running down his red cheeks.
He brings his hand up to my face and wipes my tears.
"Now I have to watch them hurt you."

We're so close now. Phil's voice is back to a hush.
I can feel his breath on my face, the heat radiating from both our bodies, one body scared and the other angry.

As we stand in silence, I feel like I have to say something. "I-I'm sorry." I croak.
Phil scans my face and scrunches up his nose with a frown.

"That doesn't change anything. Is 'sorry' going to get our asses out of here? No. Sorry shouldn't ever come out of your mouth again." He lowly says.
I preferred him shouting, this low voice is a lot more intimidating.

"I couldn't see you d-die. I couldn't let it be because o-of me." I quietly reply, staring at out feet, the tips of our toes touching.

"For darn sake, Dan." He sighs and lifts my head with his fingers under my chin.
"You're such a loser." A smile is back on his face, making all of me relax again.

I notice Phil keep glancing to my lips, so I do the same to his.
He starts leaning in and I try to mentally prepare myself.

Oh god, this is actually happening.

His arms then wrap around my neck and he nuzzles into my shoulder.
I unpucker my lips in embarrassment but hug him back anyway. I hide into his neck and just want to stay this close to him.
I'm safe here. I'm always safe with Phil.