In His Arms

Chapter 14: Little Talks (Baekhyun's POV)

When I got to the hospital, everything was in chaos again. I ran towards mom who was sitting in a bench outside halmeoni's ward. "Mom, what happened?" I asked. She just slowly lifted her head to look at me. She looked so stressed and haggard. Her eyes were so deep. She looked like she wants to cry but can no longer produce tears. "Your grandmother... she has not woken up since yesterday..." She slowly said. "W-what?" I stuttered. I slowly sat down beside her. "I thought she was just sleeping soundly but then..." Her voice started to crack. "But then the line became flat and...." I hugged her. I myself didn't want to hear what's next. "Baekhyun, the line became flat. I didn't know what to do." She finally clung onto me and she wept bitterly. "She's not gonna make it.. She's not-" "Mom, please don't think like that. She'll be fine..." We both know that was a lie. Ofcourse halmeoni is not fine. We're slowly losing her. I just keep on denying it. But in times like this, I need to be strong for my mother. All I can do is hug her. Atleast let me comfort my mom.

Suddenly, the doctor came out of her room. We immediately stood up. "Doctor, is she alright?" I asked. The doctor sighed as he removed his and carefully folded it. "Mr. Byun, your grandmother had a silent attack." He said. "Well, is she ok now?" I asked. "For now, yes. We can say she's ok now. That's the good news. She's still alive." The doctor put his hands on the pockets of his gown. "We were able to revive her. But the bad news is.." His facial expression suddenly became gloomy. "She's in a coma." Hearing that word made my world stop for a moment. "W-what? What do you mean. She's not awake?" My tone ascended. The doctor just nodded. "I'll be honest with you. You're grandmother is already too old. Her body is already too weak and that's adding up to her sickness. Incase she wakes up, even if we perform the surgery, there's only twenty five percent of chance that she's gonna make it." The doctor said. "What are you trying to tell us?" I stuttered. "Mr. Byun, what I'm trying to tell you is that.. You'll have to prepare yourself to what may happen to your grandmother." He explained. "Are you telling us that she's dying?" I asked feeling a little angry. "Aren't you supposed to do whatever you can to save her?!" My voice got louder. "Mr. Byun, please calm down. You'll have to understand that us doctors are only humans. We can't control lives. But we'll do everything that we can." He said. "Now if you can please excuse me, I have another patient to attend to." He bowed then left.

I hugged mom for a while. She burried her face in my chest. "Go inside now." She said. "What about you?" I asked. She loosened her grip on me and shook her head while she wiped her tears. "No, I'll stay here for a while. I can't enter yet." She said. "Not yet. Not now." She hindered herself from crying. "Mom.." "No Baekhyun, I won't go inside." I just sighed in defeat. "Ok then.. But will you be ok here outside? All alone?" I asked. She faked a smile that only lasted a second. "Hmm. Yeah." She said. "I'll just call your brother and sister-in-law. I'll wait for them here outside." She said. "Well, ok then. I'll just..." we looked at each other in the eyes. "Then I'll just go inside alone.." I tried my best to hide this weak side of me, but I just can't help myself from sounding so depressed. "Just let hyung enter once they get here." I said then she nodded. "I will. Now, go inside." I only nodded at her.

I slowly entered the ward. It was quite dim. Then I saw her, halmeoni lying down on her bed with her eyes closed. Now I understand why her attack wasn't so obvious. She really looks like she's only asleep. I pulled the stool beside her bed and sat down. I looked at her face and caressed some hairstrands away. "Halmeoni." I started talking to her. I held her wrinkled hand with a tube taped on it. "You wouldn't believe it but.. I had the weirdest day today." I failed to smile. "You know what? I think I change my mind." I tucked my lips together as I hesitated to continue. "Halmeoni, I met a girl today, a toddler. And when I saw her, I had this little weird feeling inside me." I confessed. "I had this little happiness inside me and I don't know why. When I saw her, it was different. It felt completely different." I recalled how I felt earlier. "She felt irrisistable. She was in trouble and I wanted to protect her so I did. I was able to carry her, too. It felt amazing. She felt like she's my own." I said. "Halmeoni, I think my perspective in children changed. I do want to have a child of my own." I admitted. "So halmeoni, please wake up. I've already decided. I'll start to move on and settle down. That's what you want, right? I'll settle down and have a family of my own, have a child of my own. You'll just have to wake up so you can witness it." My eyes started to brim with tears. "Please, stay longer. I want you to witness it. Please.." I cried.

I mean what I said. I'm just not so sure about the moving on part but I really do want to settle down already. I want to have a family of my own. I want to experience having a child of my own and be a father. I want to feel that magnificent feeling I had for Bea a while ago everyday. Maybe I should just adopt? I mean, I'm single. It would definitely take time if I'll find a woman who would want to marry me. I mean, I'm still allergic to marriage. If I'm going to get married, it should be the last one. I don't want to repeat the mistake I made with Kendra. Atleast, I want it to be better than before. I just need to find the right woman.

'Woman' - come to think of it, there's only one person who fits that word properly. There's only one person who fits the definition of the word 'woman' and it's none other than Kendra. She's just... too ideal. She's not perfect but she's ideal. She's mature, intelligent, skillful, modest, finess; everything about her is womanly. Maybe that's why I don't deserve her. Why would a foolish and childish man like me match well with her? Absurd. I can't undo the mistakes I did to her, but I just can't help myself from regreting all of it. I could have treated her better but I chose to be a bastard. Karma does slap people in the face, huh? It's funny how the one I have hurt and left me is the only person whom I can see myself with. No one else but her.

"Halmeoni, you know what? I already saw her. Kendra. I saw her. She's here in Seoul." I don't know why I'm telling this part. I've been thinking about her too much that I just felt the need of sharing it with other people. "She's back. I wasn't able to tell you yesterday because you had an attack.." I rubbed her arm. "I wonder how you would react. If I was able to tell you yesterday, how would you react about it? What will you say?" I exhaled heavily. "You'll probably advise me to win her back, right?" I smiled bitterly. "Too bad. Even if you advised me to win her back, it won't be possible. Only if I could, you wouldn't even have to tell me to get her back." I sighed heavily. "Only if we can be together again. Atleast I know that alone will make you happy once again..." I said full of regrets.

Suddenly, someone walked to the other side of halmeoni's bed. "So you're ex wife is back in town, huh?" He asked. "Hyung.. Since when were you here?" I asked surprised to his sudden appearance. "Just now actually. Sorry if I overheard your little conversation with halmeoni." He placed a paper bag on the side table and sat down on the edge of halmeoni's bed. "Since you're here now, I guess I'll have to leave then. I'll let you have some time with halmeoni." I stood up. But before I could even walk away, hyung stopped me. "Baekhyun, don't. Just stay." He said. I turned to look at him. "Why?" I asked. Hyung sighed. "You little kid. You're too dense." "Yaa! Hyung, what do you mean? And who are you calling a kid? Just to let you know, I'm already thirty. I'm a man whom you can no longer call a kid." Hyung just palmed his face. "I didn't really come here for halmeoni, Baekhyun. When mom called and informed me about halmeoni's current state, do you know what was the first thing I asked?" He looked at me and I shook my head from right to left. He smirked. "I asked her if you were already here. And she said yes. Without thinking twice, I already drove all the way here. I knew you need me right now. I just had that weird feeling. I was suddenly concerned about you." He said. "What? Why?" I asked. "You've been through a lot of things already, little brother. I just thought you needed a shoulder today. Which happens to be true, not only because of halmeoni, but because of what I just overheard from you." He said. I suddenly felt touch. My brother knows me so well. "So you weren't concerned about halmeoni at all?" I asked confused. He sighed again. "Ofcourse I am.. It's just that I know things will be diffucult soon. And I just came to accept it. I'm already ready for anything.. And you should be, too." "Hyung......." "This is why I came for you instead." He looked at me. "You're carrying too much than what I expected. How about we go out for a drink? How about you tell me more?" He smiled at me. "But how about halmeoni? About mom?" I asked. "Don't worry about it. I already talked to mom. Mom needs time with her mom." He said as he stood up and walked towards me. "But she doesn't want to-" "Aaish. Little kid, don't worry about it." And just like that he pulled me up from my chair and left the hospital.