In His Arms

Chapter 20: Letting Go (Eli's POV)

The night Kendra went home weeping her heart out, I knew exactly what the reason was. But I didn't expect her to say those words. "I'm willing to give us a chance.." She wept in my chest. Surprised about this, I didn't know what to say. "W-what?" I stuttered. "Just help me get over him." I knew something felt wrong about this. I should be happy because she's giving me a chance. But on the other hand, it's still about him. She's giving me a chance because of him. Is she trying to use me to get over him? Ouch.

Not that I'm being too picky or choosy.. But I was kinda expecting something better from her. It has been seven years that I have been beside her. If we were to be in a relationship, I was hoping that it's because she already developed some feelings for me; not because she's still not over her ex husband. I mean, who wants to be in a relationship with someone who haven't moved on from a past affair? That's just wrong.. So wrong. I know I promised her to be there for her, care for her, love her no matter what. But what she's doing is already too much. I'm willing to help her but not this way. It's already hurting my ego so much.

I embraced her hoping that it will help her feel relieved. I didn't talk, I didn't say a word because I know it's the best thing for me to do a the moment. I guided her as we went inside the house. I left her sitting on the couch in the living room while I headed to the kitchen to get a glass of water. She was still weeping when I returned. "Here. Drink it." I handed the glass and she accepted it with shivering hands. I watched her gulped the water down and I can see that it helped her a little. I sat down infront of her and held her hand. "Hey. Mind to tell me what happened?" I asked. Her eyes became watery again and as she blinked her eyes, tears fell once more. "It's Baekhyun, right?" I asked and she sobbed more.

I hugged her. "I don't know why he still affects me this much. I hate him, I really do. But why am I still hurting this much?" She sobbed. I caressed her head as I tried to hush her down. She started blabbering all her resentments. I shared all her pains to the point that I was hurting, too. It hurts to see her like this. But it also hurts to know that I'll never be able to mend her broken heart. I finally realized how Baekhyun means so much to her. I finally understood why she'll never love me like she loved him. Baekhyun broke her. And Baekhyun is the only one who can fix her.

We spent the entire night like this, just comforting her like I always do. It sucks to be in my place, but I should be thankful, right? The person I love is in my arms. But I know she'll never be mine. So close yet so far away. The time came when she finally stopped crying. It looks like she no longer have tears to shed. Her face was pale and her eyes were swollen. "You should sleep now. You need to rest." I said. I can feel her nod in my chest. I escorted her to her room. Before she can enter, I whispered something in her ear. "We'll talk tomorrow, ok?" And she nodded. We both entered our respective rooms.

I laid in my bed thinking deep. I was avoiding for this time to come- the time to choose whether I'll fight for her or let her go. But I guess I can't avoid it now. But do I really have to do this? Billions of people in the world, why does it have to be me? Why do I have to go through this complicated situation? Why does it always have to hard on me? With this kind of thoughts in my head, I became unaware with the fact that I'm already sheding some tears. I'm so hurt and I feel like no one else could understand me. No one else could help me. I just feel like giving up already. I cried my heart out until I was able to sleep.

Morning came just like that. My head feels light as feather. I checked at the time, it's still pass six in the morning. It's still too early. I don't feel like jogging today, nor excersing. I don't want to do anything today. I just want to lay in my bed and ponder. But I know it won't be healthy. If I'll just overthink by my head, it would kill me. So better just do something else. I need to face this day and be a man.

I got up and stretched for two minutes. When my body feels better already, I got out of the room and checked the girls. I first went to Bea's room. I smiled when I saw her sleeping soundly. Then I checked on Kendra next. She's also still sleeping. I went downstairs and started cooking. As usual, I'll be incharge with breakfast. The only difference is that today doesn't seem special. Ordinary food will be ok. I mixed myself a bowl of oatmeal then headed to the living room. I'll cook Kendra's french toast when she wakes up and serve Bea's cereals when she's already awake, too. For now, I'll just kill time by watching television.