End Up Here ||michael.clifford||

Fourteen

Two weeks later

I think Michael lost his phone. Either that or it's been off for the past two weeks. Every time I've called apologise for whatever I've done, it goes straight to voice mail.

I just want him back. I don't even care what mistakes he's made. I don't want to know.

I just want my Michael back. The one who would cuddle with me and text me cute things every day, the one who would sit and watch movies with me for hours on end and not complain no matter how stupid and cheesy the movies were. The Michael I liked being around.

Luke tells me he's gone off the deep end. Partying every night, drinking, smoking. As far as he knows he has succeeded in not sleeping with anyone yet. That's almost a burden. Maybe if he just did something unforgivable he'd wake up and see that I need him.

To penguin:

How is he today?

From penguin:

Same as always: hungover and douchey.

To penguin:

:'(

From penguin:

Aw babes don't cry :( I'm sure he'll come around soon

To penguin:

I just miss him a lot

From penguin:

Ik that... he misses u to. I'm sure of it

To penguin:

Obviously not

From penguin:

He does

To penguin:

Sure has a strange way of showing it

From penguin:

Ik sweetie but he loves u and we'll be home soon

To penguin:

Not soon enough

From penguin:

:(

Talking with Luke is pointless. It's the same thing every single day. I get the same report from Luke, Ashton and Calum everyday. It's an endless circle of pain.

I decided to just send Michael an email because that is literally the only way I can think of to get a hold on him.

Mikey,

Look, obviously you're mad at me for something, but I honestly don't know what. I'm sorry. For whatever I did. I know it's weak to apologise for nothing but I don't know what else to say to you. Except that I'm done. I'm done with you ignoring me, having the boys lie to me just to cover you, trying desperately to get you to talk to me. It's all so pointless for me to worry about these things. If you wanted me or this baby you'd make an effort. So I'm done trying. Don't tell me you're sorry because I know you're not. Don't tell me it was a mistake because if it was you would've stopped a long time ago. This is your chance to fix things. If you truly want this to work then I'm begging you to say so. If not then just ignore this along with every other way I've tried to contact you, delete my number and never talk to me again. I can't do this anymore. I can't love someone if all they do is shut me out in return.

~Lily

Okay I literally cried while writing this. And I almost didn't have the nerve to hit send. It was Anna who encouraged me. She was so done with this bullshit to.

I was sitting on the couch, eating cookies and cream ice cream and watching The Notebook. I feel like Noah when Allie left.

"Are you okay?" Anna asked. I looked up at her. "Yeah I'm fine. Why?" I asked. "You seem off." She replied, sitting down next to me. "It's just that now I'll know how Michael really feels and if he wants this." I said and motioned to myself. "Oh... yeah I could see how that would make someone act different." She agreed, stealing a scoop of ice cream.

My phone dinged with a new email and I dropped the tub of ice cream on the floor. Anna looked at me, eyes wide. "Are you going to read it, or should I?" She asked. I pushed my phone, face down towards her.

She picked it up gingerly and started reading.

"Lily: I truly am so so SO sorry for everything that I've done to you in the past month and a half. I love you as much as I did the day I left, if not more! I'm just scared. I'm scared of what's to come. I don't know how to be a dad because mine was never around. I don't know how to be a good boyfriend when there's a child involved. This is the first time in a very long time when I just don't know. One thing I do know is that I'm coming home for Christmas and the first person I want to see is you. I miss you so much it hurts. This is so hard for me to say but you're the only thing that matters to me. I would give anything to take back the past few weeks. I know I told Anna that the band thing meant more to me than the world itself but I was wrong. You do. Only you. I hope you can at least try to forgive me for the horrible things I've put you through. I love you so much and I can't wait to see your beautiful face. Love, Michael." Anna read aloud.

My.

Heart.

Stopped.

"Oh my god. He's sorry! He loves me! If I could get up and dance right now, I would!" I squealed. Anna was smiling. "I told you I'd fix it." She said. "Thank you thank you thank you! I love you soooooo much you're the bestest friend ever!" I screeched.

She laughed. "Christmas is only in five days... should we go shopping or what?" She asked. "Yes! But you're going to have to help me up." I said, pointing to my very pregnant stomach.