ALMOST

Chapter 10

I once believed in a fairy tales.

I thought every love story always has a happy ending. But i guess i was wrong. Because mine, ended up in tragic. 

We are almost there. To the happy ending. But fate is really unpredictable. Fucking unpredictable.

I lost the woman of my life.

I lost my soon to be wife.

I lost my other half.

I lost my light.

My heart belongs to her, and now she's gone. Forever gone.

As i looking at the sky, i felt empty. I felt so numb. But my blurry eyes says otherwise.

Baby, why did you leave me?

It fucking hurt me so much to just look at you from above because there's nothing i can do about it.

I just keep on dreaming you every night, hoping that it would make me feel alright.

Pinunasan ko ang mga luha ko. Nagbaba ako ng tingin sa puntod niya.

"It's been three years, baby. But it feels like yesterday." Kinagat ko ang labi ko. "Miss na miss na miss na miss na kita. Halos mabaliw ako kakaisip sayo pero wala naman akong m-magagawa."

Hinawakan ko ang singsing niyang ginawa kong pendat. "'Yung singsing mo na sa'kin pa, pero ikaw wala na." Mahina akong natawa. "Kung nasaan ka man. Ako naman ang bantayan mo, ha. Sa ngayon, ang daming lumalapit sa akin pero wala eh, iba ang tama ko sayo."

"Ang hirap makalimot, Sin. Ang hirap mong kalimutan. Kahit anong gawin ko, kahit anong subok ko. Hindi ka mawala sa'kin. Hindi ka mawala-wala sa isip ko. Our memories haunts me every night. Sabi nila, may proseso naman daw lahat. But.. This pain is killing me, baby. It gets heavier each day. He..h-here.. in my chest."

Yumuko ako at pigil na pigil ang humikbi. "Alam kong lilipas din 'to. Siguro dadating din 'yung panahon na mawawala itong nararamdaman ko pero kailanman hindi kita kakalimutan. You were the best precious gift that ever came to me. But for now, let me love you even if we're life and death apart."

"By the way, 'yung mommy mo may sarili ng bussiness na pinagkakaabalahan. Si arostin naman, hindi niya pa rin ako kinakausap hanggang ngayon pero naiintindihan ko naman siya. Kagaya ko, hindi pa rin siya nakakamove on sa nangyari but i'm really trying best na baka sakaling bumalik pa kami sa dati. He's growing too fast. He's very cold and savage to everyone he's talking to except for tita sol. Damn. I miss my old little munchkin."

Hinaplos ko ang pangalan niyang nakaukit sa may lapida. Nasa tabi noon si luca na kanina pang dinidilaan ang pangalan niya at mahinang iginagalaw ang buntot. Kinarga ko siya at ipinatong sa mga hita ko.

"Do you miss your momma too, buddy?" Tumahol siya ng dalawang beses. I smiled a little. "Yeah, you do?" Hinaplos ko ang balahibo niya.

Lumingon ako sa box na nasa likod ko at binuksan iyon. Kinapa ko 'yung lighter na nasa bulsa ko at sinindihan ang cake.

"H..h-happy b-birth.." I bit my lower lip and breath deeply. "Happy birthday, b-baby..."

It's december 15 today. She's 21 now. Kung nabubuhay pa siya, alam kong isa na siyang napakagandang babae ngayon. Only if i just had a chance to still witness that.

Pagkatapos ng aksidenteng iyon, i spent my days on her room. Hindi ko matanggap. Halos araw-araw akong umiiyak ng palihim sa kwarto niya. Palagi rin akong nakatulala sa playground kung saan kami laging nagkekwentuhan. God, everything doesn't make sense to me. Hindi ko na alam kung anong gagawin ko. Halos mawala ako sa katinuan. Ang hirap. Sobrang hirap bumangon sa lugmok ng lungkot.

Naaalala ko pa 'yung mga araw na kapag nasa kotse ako, lagi akong lumilingon sa passenger seat. Nagbabakasali na nandoon lang siya sa tabi ko, talking about some stuffs and asked about so many things like she always does. Kapag na dumadaan naman ako sa playground, matagal kong tinititigan ang duyan, iniisip na nakaupo lang siya roon at ngingiti ng matamis sa akin kapag nakitang lumalapit ako. I still remember the first day when we started to talk. Every corners of our village always reminding me of her and it fucking breaks my heart when realization hits me that she were truly gone forever.

I still remember her beautiful face when she looked at me that night, her innocent eyes and lovingly smile. God, if i just grip my tight on her hands and found her immediately, masaya na sana kami ngayon. I still remember the pain i felt on that day and it still fucking here. Halos araw-araw akong pinapatay ng sakit. Tinatanong ko palagi ang sarili ko kung paano pa ako magiging masaya? Kung paano ko pa ipagpapatuloy 'yung buhay ko kung wala na siya? How can i be strong and move forward? Damn. She was my world but everything fall apart when she left me.

Pero lahat may rason. Lahat may dahilan kung bakit nangyayari ang mga bagay na 'to. Tinatagan ko ang loob ko. Pinipilit kong maging maayos para sa sarili ko. Pinipilit kong bumangon dahil walang gagawa no'n kung hindi ang sarili ko. Mahirap gumising araw-araw at piliting bumangon pero I need to keep going. Baby, I know you are watching me right now. I hope you are happy for me. I know that you're guiding me up there to choose the right path and keeping me safe and that's enough to make me happy. Baby, i'm striking to become a better person everyday.

Because of you, i learned a lot. You taught me how to appreciate our life and treasure every moment with our loved ones, you taught me how to become a stronger and always be a fighter. You taught me that no matter how hard life fuck us, just always believe in God and never lose hope. You shape me into a better man i am today. I learned how to forgive myself. Even justin, the boy who did this to you. Yeah, you're right. I already know his name. I don't know where he is but i am sure that he's happy now, together with his family. I hope i make you proud.

I love you so much, Sinteza. I always will. Up until now, You are still my queen. No one can replace you here in my heart. You are the first one to show me how love powerful is. You appreacite me more than everything. You changed my life. Big time. And as I turning this page, i'm wishing you a happy 21st birthday, my baby.

Till we meet again...

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