I Can't Stop

Part 29

Stevie pulled the hair tie down and reached for a hairbrush. Lindsey was about to arrive and she wanted to fix her appearance up a bit. Looking at herself in the mirror, Stevie parted her hair and put the brush down, deciding to put on makeup. She knew Lindsey didn't care, but she had a lot of nervous energy and she needed to occupy herself with something. 

The doorbell rang less than half an hour later and before Stevie could go downstairs and answer the door, Alice did it for her. Things between the two had been a little awkward for the past couple of days and Stevie was unsure of how Alice might act around Lindsey, so she hurried to join them.

"Long time no see." Lindsey smiled, opening his arms for Alice. The girl didn't hesitate and hugged him back.

"Yeah, I was wondering if you'd completely forgotten about the fact that I'm still not a guitar hero." Alice teased, welcoming Lindsey inside. 

"That's my fault entirely." Lindsey agreed, nodding his head. "A lot's been happening lately."

"I've heard." Alice said, then turned to look up the stairs at the sound of Stevie's voice. "Well, I'm going to leave you two alone."

"It's nice seeing you, kid." Lindsey called after Alice, on her way, but she did look over her shoulder to give him a small smile. With Alice now out of the earshot, Lindsey pulled Stevie into a tight hug, when she approached him. "I've missed you so much." He said, keeping his voice down.

"Me too." Stevie kept her arms locked tightly around his neck. "Maybe I should have come to your place, Alice wasn't supposed to be home. I don't know if that makes you uncomfortable or-"

"Steph, it's okay. I'm an adult, I can keep my emotions to myself." Lindsey half smiled, pulling back just now. "How are you doing?"

"It's not been easy." Stevie admitted, taking him to the family room. She looked at him and sighed, when they sat down. "I'm sorry I've been quiet, I didn't want to do this over the phone."

Lindsey frowned, mindlessly reaching to take her hand. "What's going on?"

"Don knows." Stevie said, without dancing around the subject. "He guessed that you and I have been having an affair and I just..." She shrugged. "I couldn't lie and say that it's not true."

"I- I'm not really sure what to say." Lindsey put his hand on her back to show his support, but Stevie didn't seem too broken hearted over it. 

"In a away, I feel relieved. I do love Don and I don't feel great about cheating and lying to him, but..." She trailed off, then added. "He knows that he's not Alice's biological father."

"What?" Lindsey wasn't expecting that at all. "You told him? How- how did he react?"

"Actually, he told me. I just... confirmed it. He's feared that you would find out about it for years. I was so caught off guard, I just told him everything. I mean... I'd barely seen Don get emotional in all the years that we've been together, but that night..." Stevie shook her head, feeling the familiar sting of tears. "He said that it would absolutely destroy him, losing Alice. He said that if he were in your place, he'd tell Alice the truth himself."

"I'm not going to do it. I'd want nothing more, but I'm not going to-"

"I know, I know, Lindsey." Stevie interrupted with a sigh. "I can't believe that everything's turned out this way, just because we couldn't act like grown ups, because we couldn't stay the fuck away from each other." Stevie cursed, pulling away from Lindsey's touch. "We both made our choices a very long time ago."

"Stevie... we've talked about this already, more than once. Yes, everyone dreams about a happily ever after, but there are no rules. You think that I don't feel like a complete asshole for ruining my family? For leaving Kristen? For breaking my children's hearts?" Lindsey asked, hoping Stevie would look at him. "Of course, I do. But I don't regret anything. I don't regret loving you, wanting to spend every single minute of every day with you, wanting to be with you for the rest of my life."

"Don't say that." Stevie shook her head, asking him. "You told me that you won't pressure me into anything."

"And I'm not."

"Yes, you are, Lindsey!" She raised her voice, before composing herself. "You are. Even if you don't want to admit it. The thing is, I don't know what I want. I love you, too, but I love Don as well. I love our family and the life we've created for ourselves. I hate that I hurt him and it hurts me that I don't know if he's going to leave me or not. It hurts that he doesn't want to hear from me, it hurts that he wants to keep distance between us."

Keeping quiet for a minute, Lindsey sighed heavily. "It's a shame. I know what I want, I know that I want you and it's hard, hearing that you truly don't know, what you want, Stevie. I thought that we had something." He stood up, ready to go. 

She jumped to her feet quickly, taking him by the hand. "We do."

"How can you say that?" Lindsey asked, unresponsive to her touch. "You tell me that you love me, but it sounds like you're set on fixing your marriage. I've made safe choices in the past, I'm not going to be your safe choice. I'm not going to stand by and wait to pick up the pieces if Don decides that he's done. I want to be your choice, not a consequence."