I Can't Stop

Part 18

Lindsey stayed silent for a long while and Stevie didn't push him to talk. They sat side by side, Lindsey hunched over, with his hands clasped in front of him, Stevie occasionally glancing at him, fidgeting with a ring on her finger. Even under the circumstances, she felt happy to be near him. He wasn't going to touch her, hug or kiss her, but simply having him there was good enough for the time being.

"I guess, I've wondered if it could be true." Lindsey spoke up at last. "When you told me, you were pregnant and how far a long, the timing seemed a little odd. Alice's eyes caught my attention every time I've looked into them. I knew it in my heart that they were mine. She and I have always had a strong connection between us, but I just thought she liked me as her uncle and I loved her as your daughter. In a way, through Alice I was trying to make it up for the lack of attention I paid to Sara, while she was growing up, which brought us closer together." Stevie listened quietly, brushing away tears, which started running as soon as he started talking. "The whole time during the break, all I could think about was Alice. I thought about all the times, when I told her I was proud of her, I wish, I could have been proud of her as her father." Turning his head slightly, Lindsey looked at Stevie, who avoided his gaze, her head hung low. "I'm torn. I understand, why you haven't told me and at the same time I don't. Alice is my daughter, Stevie. My child. I've known her for all of her sixteen years and I couldn't be happier, but I also can't stop thinking about missing her first smile, her first step, her first word. I should have been there and you took that away from me."

"Lindsey, I've wanted to tell you the truth since the second I found out about her, but I couldn't." Stevie insisted, sniffling. "We both had so much to lose, you had already started a family with Kristen-"

"Those are just excuses." He cut her off. "If not for Christine, I don't believe you would have ever told me."

"I-" Stevie began, she shrugged her shoulders and shook her head. "I don't know. I can't answer that honestly."

"Don't." Lindsey said, his voice cold. "I don't really know what to say to you, Stevie. I'm angry and sad, disappointed, but... I'm also happy. However, I have no idea, where does that leave me, us? It's not like I can barge into your family and tell Alice that I'm her dad. How can I see her and not think about just that?"

"I wish things were dif-"

"Yeah, me too." He sighed heavily, interrupting again. "I don't want you to think that you and I are okay, because we're not and I don't quite know yet, how we could be. I came here tonight, because we're on a tour together. Sure, there will be tension, but... at least, we've broken the ice."

"Lindsey, please believe me that I've never intended to hurt you, I've always loved you. I just couldn't ruin so many lives. Yes, I took the easy way out of the situation, I chose to lie, but I honestly thought it was the right thing to do."

"The right thing for you."

He had built up walls and Stevie wasn't sure, how she was going to able to break them. "All I can say is that I'm sorry."

"I believe you, I really do. You're not a horrible person, but..." Lindsey shrugged. "This doesn't really solve anything, does it?"

They grew silent again. Stevie wanted to reach out for him, but she knew, he'd probably recoil from her touch and that would hurt her even worse. The only words she could think of at that moment, most likely weren't the ones she should have said.

"I love you, Lindsey."

He didn't say it back. Getting up to his feet, Lindsey locked eyes with Stevie, giving her false hope. "I have to leave. I'm sorry."