Soar // Hamliza

• chapter 21 •

• Alexander •

Another good day in the books for me. My headache was a little bit better, I had finally gone on different meds so while I was still throwing up pretty much everything, I was at least feeling emotions while I did that instead of numbness. Physical therapy is going so well, we've finally started walking around and continuing working on my leg strength. Even better, Eliza is coming to visit at some point today after her first ballet class.

I really did feel like I was getting better. The only thing that was bringing me down was missing my normal life and my stupid feeding tube.

Apparently, it's not good to throw up every single time you have a meal. The doctors seem to get very concerned when an already half-dead 18 year old with cancer starts puking everything up and losing more weight than he already has. Which means their last resort is to insert a feeding tube so I can get my nutrients with a little less vomit on the side.

Eliza didn't know about the feeding tube or the med change yet. I didn't want to freak her out or make her more anxious by telling her about it, so I was just planning on explaining it when she came in to visit.

I did have good news for her, though. My doctors and I had a very long meeting discussing the continuation of my treatment and finally came up with an estimate end date sometime in the early summer. So I still had quite a while to go, but they told me that I would likely be in remission and back in my feet for the most part by what was looking to be June 10th.

I knew that a million things could change by then and more problems could arise and that I could be stuck in the hospital for even longer, but I was so hopeful. I immediately added the date into my calendar on my phone, titling it "Home". Simple and something that wouldn't break my heart to push back. If I had named it "Celebration" or "Dancing with Eliza" or anything other than "Home", I knew I'd struggle with the idea of being in this hospital room for any longer.

I was so ready for this whole thing to be over. I knew that my life would never be the same, that in the next few years I could be dealing with this all again. But for now, I just wanted to close this chapter and move onto the next. Go back to my normal life and have fun and not have to lay in bed all day.

I heard a knock at my door, knowing it was Eliza and calling out to tell her to come on in. She opened the door and I could see someone with her who I didn't quite recognize.

"Hi love, how are you feeling today?" She asked as she came into the room and ushered the other girl in with her. She hadn't yet realized that I had a feeding tube in as she was busy putting down her bag and setting a restaurant box on a small table. She had yet to introduce me to her friend.

"Better than usual. There's some new updates that I'll tell you about after we catch up and stuff. How are you? And sorry I didn't say hi right away, I'm Alex." I told Eliza before greeting her friend.

"Theodosia Bartow, but you can call me Theo. We go to the same school, I just met Eliza at dance today but I'm friends with Peggy, too." She told me. I made small conversation with her before Eliza finally turned to me and realized the elephant in the room that was my feeding tube.

"Wait, what did I miss? When did that get there, what's going on?" She asked, anxiety immediately filling her voice. Theo told us she'd give us a couple minutes to catch up and went across the hospital to get us all some coffee so Eliza and I could talk.

"That's what the updates were. It's nothing terrible, don't worry. I wasn't lying when I said I was feeling better, there's just a lot of side effects of some things." I began to explain. The fear didn't leave her eyes so I continued.

"I didn't really tell you because I didn't want you to worry, but after all that stuff that happened before when I got to that really low point, they put me in some anti-depressants and things like that to try to help." I began.