Whirlwind of trouble

13

I returned home to Elena that night, and found her cuddled up in my bed. There's something about Elena sleeping in my bed but I guess I don't mind. That bed has been so empty for so many years and even if it accompanied by my foster daughter, I don't mind.

I tiptoe over the the bed, draw back the sheet and shuffle over beside her. She stirs in her sleep as she feels my arms pull her closer.

"Sorry" she mumbles. "I'll go back to my bed" she whispers, rubbing her eyes and stretching all her sleepy limbs.

"No, don't worry darling I don't mind if we have a sleepover"  she rolls back on her side and allows me to cuddle her. Being a foster child is difficult for her, because despite the fact she desperately wants a cuddle, she flinches from the touch and affection although she seeks that kind of affection, it's because she's not had it for such a long time. So I pull back, restraining that touch and leave a comfortable gap between us both.

"Regina you smell like alcohol" she hums, and I instantly wince. I didn't intend to drink that much and I know she despises alcohol from how much her previous foster carers used to drink. "Did you have fun?"

"I did"

"Did you kiss Emma?" She blurted out so quick and effortlessly that I almost chocked on sweet nothing. I rolled over and she rolled too, so we were now gave to face. "Did you?" She asks again, her eyes wide as day now, more awake than I've ever seen.

"What? No" I gasp. "What even makes you think I would?"

"I see the way you look at her. You like her" she giggles like a little school child.

"I do not like her" I huff; but who am I convincing?

"Do too"

"Do not"

"Do too" she argues back sticking out her little tongue.

"Okay maybe a little" I grin. "But she doesnt love girls"

"She has the same look you have when she looks at you. She just hides it better with verbal abuse" she states, and I adore how honest and grown up Elena really is. She's such a smart child.

I can't believe I'm even talking about this with a child, who knows what's to happen next. We'll probably turn up to the next grief group and she'll blabber about my feelings for the new blonde in town. Then part of me knows Elena is a smart girl, she's so respectful and responsible so I trust she will keep this a secret.

"Elena, you need to promise you won't tell anyone, especially Emma" I sternly state. I can't ruin the friendship I've gained with her. Im a whirlwind of trouble as it is, so a friendship may just allow me to have someone close without ruining things. Every relationship I've had, I've messed up one way or another, or they've left me for good. So a friendship is safe.

"Why? I thought you are pretty forward and daring if I may say so..."

"Elena..."

"Fine, I promise" she rolls her eyes and offers her pinky, I link my little finger around hers in a signal of promise, one that can never be broken with a pinky gesture.

I slowly move my arm to tuck a dark luscious piece of hair behind Elena's ear and gently run my hand down her cheek. She flinches slightly but doesn't unwelcome the touch.

I always wonder if there's far more to the reason that Elena hates to be touched but I always just assume it's because she's been deprived of the motherly affection for so many years it's suddenly become unknown to her all over again.

Her eyes suddenly well up, tears reaching the brim and slowly trickling down her face. "Sweetie what's wrong?"

"Nothing, I'm okay" she huffs, wiping away her tear and plasters on a fake smile. She's far too young to bottle up her feelings, but maybe it's a coping mechanism she's only ever grown to know. She's never had anyone to share her feelings with.