Always, It's You

Chapter 58

Be still, close your eyes, breathe.
Listen to my foot fall in your heart
We are not gone but merely walk within you...

Neil loved Nicholas Evans.
He wrote this same epitaph on the headstone of his parents' beside his one now.

They wrote the same for him.

Ashley sighed.
Ashley stood there still. She even didn't know what should she do with the two roses in her hand.

The gravestone was black, made of polished granite. Just like Neil was. An unstained, pure soul.

"I didn't forget you," Ashley whispered. "Not for a day."

She never thought she will have the courage to come here, ever. The guilts and emptiness was the drive for her to run away every time.

She tried to bury the wound deep inside her so that nobody notices it but it only bled deep inside her with her every breath.

"You deserved more, you deserved the world, Neil. And I snatched it away," She was feeling like a heavy stone lifting from her heart, being able to say what she kept inside for years and years.
She thought she won't be able to hold herself together if she comes here.

But surprisingly, it was giving her peace. It seemed like she was finally was able to come closer to him again like he was listening to her foolish words as he always did before.

Ashley knelt before the gravestone. She reached for the surface to brush off the dried leaves on it.

"How are you? Hope you are doing great where you are now if it exists as they say. Is it beautiful? Are you at peace now?"

Ashley put the flowers near the headstone.

"Sorry, it took me this long to come. You know how things are, busy, crazy patients, rough nights. I didn't choose to be a cardiologist like we planned,"
Ashley smiled slightly, "I chose neurosurgery. Which you wanted to do."

She sighed and smiled again, " I went on the tour across the world, alone. We planned to go together, remember?" She blinked away the moisture forming in the corner of her eyes.
"I went to see the northern lights, stayed in the igloos, jumped down the blue sea, played with the dolphins, walked across the Namibian desert, walked along the birch forest in fiery autumn, jumped off the cliff to paraglide, Learned ice sculpture and again fall in love with life itself."

Ashley touched the gravestone again, cold, smooth. "I am doing fine, Neil. I kept you in my heart all these days. I faced the hell and never let the hellfire leave me. Why its so hard, Neil?"

Ashley didn't intend to, but she rested her head on the cold stone as her tears made surrealistic patterns on the plane surface little by little.
She smiled with tears in her eyes, "I have someone now, you know? He is a good person. I am happy, really happy. Just like how you wanted. "

Ashley cried, wiped her tears away, and again smiled, "I never had the chance to say back I loved you too. Guess you already knew it. It's hard, but I think I am finally ready to let you go."

It's unrealistic, but Ashley felt like Neil was smiling at her from somewhere.
She got up on her feet with a contented heart.

She looked back to see Taehyung who was still standing beside the car outside. He wanted to come along but didn't insist knowing Ashley needed this time alone.

She again looked back at the flowers,
" I'll visit again. Rest in peace, wherever you are now. Let's meet up somewhere up there one day." She smiled, the afterlife wasn't seeming a bad idea this time.

She made her way through the narrow road to came out.
Taehyung came forward and took her hand, intertwining the fingers together.

"You ok?"

"Yeah," Ashley smiled.

"Come here," Taehyung took her in between his arms.
Ashley sighed against his warm hug.

It was time to part again. God knows for how many days!

[It's a short update, my shortest chapter so far......but, OMG!!! I am already half dead seeing the teaser.......they really can tease us like that! Thats totally unhealthy for my heart!!]