Crazy Stupid Love

Chapter Thirteen

Dear diary

Today was the worst day ever. The decision has been taken on our application and unfortunately it's a no. I can't believe the UK Embassy didn't give us visa.

I'm crying. I'm crying hardly. How can it be possible. I can't control myself. I feel awful and I'm shaking. I had pathetic attack again. I know I sound weak but it's not just for this. I'm done. I can't countinu anymore. Till now I haven't told this to anyone but I couldn't help it today.

I'm just living without my father. He doesn't care about anything. These days the only thing that is important for him is his work. I barely see him and we barely talk. I'm just sick and tired of it. We had a really bad argument today we both shouted and after that my kidney hurt again. Fuck. The pain was killing me I couldn't even move. It's getting better but whenever I think about it , it hurts again.

1/28/ 2011

I closed my notebook feeling awful. It's what I always do when I can't sleep. I still remember that day clearly. That was the day I made this decision. To come here. The way my father acted and told me that he didn't wanted me as his daughter just broke my heart. That day Angi managed to calm me down a little bit but nothing changed. I was 14. A 14 year old teenager who needed his father's attention.For my father his work was always important than us. Much important and I couldn't stand it. Nowadays I got used to it but that time it was toooooo damn bothering.

4 years has past and here I am. In England. In the country that once didn't give me visa to visit. In the country that I always wanted. Maybe we made peace together but my heart was shattered that day and still hasn't heal.

So here is my secret . The one I've never told anyone and I'm not gonna tell. Those days I was waiting for a hero to come and save me but after what just happened I don't think he never comes.