(Warning self harm / suicide and talk of rape and abuse)
As i walked into my room, i fell to the floor with my back against the door and my knees tucked into my chest, trying my best to not to make any sound as tears began to stream down my face like a waterfall. I couldn't stop, couldn't stop thinking, couldn't stop crying, i couldn't stop feeling everything that has ever happened to me at one. The punches, the slaps, every thrust and rough touch mom's boyfriends, all the smooth touches of nick's finger running across my body, the touch of Nick's lips against mine, and Noah's, the heartbreak, everything. I couldn't deal with it anymore.
Finally, i stood up, tears still streaming down my face, i walked over to the desk and took out a piece of paper and a pen from a drawer and began writing a letter to everyone.
"Dear anyone reading this,
By the time you read this i will be gone, out of your way, i'm sorry for what i have done. I was in pain, and a lot of it, i couldn't stop thinking about my mom and her boyfriends, and Nick and Noah and my brothers and how much pain and chaos i have caused everyone since i moved out here.
Tony and Ondreaz, i love you so much and i will always love you, remember that i will be watching over you forever and if your in pain i hope you know that i never intended on hurting either of you, i did this for everyone, to get me out of your way, i need you both to carry of with your lives and pursue your dreams of being dancers, and dre i know that you can sing so please do something with your voice, show the world your talent.
Nick, Teddy Bear, i know that we didn't know each other long but i hope you know that i love you, i have loved you every since i saw you on the plane, i know that we have hurt each other but i forgive you and i hope that you can forgive me for what i have done to you and for doing this to myself. I need you to be happy, i need you to follow your dreams and i need you to find that one special person in your life that brings joy to you every time you see them. I'm sorry for letting you down.
To anyone else that i have hurt or thinks that they have hurt me in any way, this is not your fault, i did this on my own terms about things that were out of your control, i love each and everyone one of you. The time i spent with all of you has been amazing, even though there was a lot of drama, it was the best time of my life, i would like you thank you for everything, you changed my life and i will be eternally grateful.
All my Love, Y/N xx
p.s tell Jaden to release the song "
That was it. I was ready to end my nightmare. I left the letter of the desk with the pen next to it. I walked into the bathroom and locked the door behind me, trying to steady my breathing as i opened a drawer and took out what i knew would help the pain. I grabbed the razor and took out a single blade before putting the rest of the razor on the side of the sink. I looked in the mirror, took a couple deep breaths, then looked down to my wrist. The blade brushed against my skin lightly, i made the first cut, each cut went deeper and deeper. I made 7 cuts, each for someone different or a different reason
1. for My Mom
2. for My Mom's Boyfriends
3. for Ondreaz
4. for Tony
5. for Nick
6. for Noah
7. to say sorry for doing this to myself
I sat on the floor sliding my back down a wall and watched as my blood trickled down the wrists, my vision went blurry, i was fading in and out of consciousness.
Soon everything went black.
The pain finally came to an end.
Nick's POV:
I was enjoying the party, drinking, having fun, when i saw Y/N with Patrick, Calvin, Paper and Michael, Michael and Paper being helped up by Patty and Calvin, Y/N had the biggest smile on her face, i made me smile to see her smile. Even though she was angry at me, everything she said earlier was true and i regret everything that i ever did to hurt her. They had a few more drinks and danced a bit more, then i saw her going over to Josh and sway who were sat on the couches, she was about to speak but she didn't, she ran of up that stairs. Not knowing what it was about i decided to try and figure it out. I went over to the couches and saw Noah and some girl making out, that was probably it, i knew that she needed time alone so i left her.
After a while, the party began to die down, people were leaving, the music was slowly getting quieter and i had stopped drinking a while ago so i was was almost sober, i decided to go upstairs to my room and get ready to sleep. I told everyone that was still downstairs that i was going to sleep. As i entered my room i got a bad feeling as i remembered that Y/N had come up here earlier, she must have slept in a different room again tonight. I got clothes for after my shower from the closet and opened the door of the bathroom.
Nick: Y/N!!!!!
I shouted looking at her lifeless body lie on the ground in a pool of her own blood, i ran over to her putting her head in my lap, i took the clothes i had in my hands and wrapped her arms up with them applying as much pressure as i could.
Nick: HELP, HELP, ANYBODY PLEASE, come on Y/N don't die on me
Tears were streaming down my face as i sat looking at her and holding into her arms as tight as i could. I heard the door open and saw Addi, Avani, Larray, Chase and Thomas stood in the doorway, they look at me then at Y/N in horror. Addi and Avani burst out crying, Larray hugged them as tight as me could tears pouring down his face aswell. Chase stood in shock as Thomas got his phone out, calling 911, i could faintly hear his conversation
Thomas: i need an ambulance now, my friend attempted suicide, there is blood everyone i live at (hype house address), please hurry
Kouvr and Alex, burst through the doors next with Tony, Ondreaz, Micheal, Mia, Dixie and the rest of the hype house and sway house behind them.
Alex: what all this about?
Ryland: holy shit
He said making everyone look in the direction of the bathroom where the door was wide open showing me holding Y/N's lifeless body. Kouvr burst into tears and buried herself in Alex' embrace. Ondreaz ran over to me and knelt next to me, as tony and everyone else stood in shock crying and hugging someone. Tony tried to pull himself and walked over to his brother.
Ondreaz: this is all my fucking fault
He said as he got up and went back into the bedroom, pacing around until something caught his eye on the desk. He picked up a piece of paper and read something on it, he fell to his knees and dropped the piece of paper on the floor next to him. Jaden and some others went over to him, confused Jaden picked up the paper and began reading it also, he knelt next to Ondreaz and hugged him, trying to comfort him about what ever was on the paper.
Quickly i heard sirens getting closer and closer. Thomas ran out of the room and when he came back he was with two paramedics ( i dont know what you call them in america ) who were holding a gurney. They made their way over to Y/N and i, they came beside me and moved her from my arms to the gurney. I kissed her forehead before letting go of her arms and watching her being taken away from me. The paramedic left the room each holding a different end of the gurney. I got up and followed behind them as they carefully went down the stairs and out the front door loading her into the ambulance. I turned around to see everyone looking at her.
Paramedic: one person can come in with us.
Nick: i'll go
Tony: no i'll go i'm here brother
Ondreaz: can me and my brother go please, i know you said one but she our little sister
Paramedic: jump in
Tony and Dre got in before the paramedic closed the door and sped off down the driveway and out onto the road.
What do i do?
A/N
Woah, that just happened, i'm sorry if you are touchy to the subject, i am too, but the reason i wrote this is because i feel like in other stories these situations aren't taken seriously and are brushed off.
Anyway, i hope you enjoyed the story and thank you so much for 2.7k reads, i love you all so much.
Also i noticed in the last post of did do my signature "byeeeeeeeee :)" so i'll just do a really long one today (hehe 😏 fuck sake, somethings wrong with me 😂) forget i said that, okay, byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee :)
Word Count : 1647 ♥
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