JANNAH

18: MASSIVE BOMBSHELL

Amatullah's diary.
April, 2014.

Dear diary,

Sometimes you might have to make a decision that will break your heart into pieces but will bring peace to your soul.

The decision i made was to avoid Mr handsome because that's the only way i can stay sane. But he didn't even show up again after that day or the day after or the next and that only proved my greatest fear, that he had a hand in that near assault.

I have never been so disappointed, angry, empty and heartbroken. I wonder how a person could feel all those profound emotions at the same time and not lose it completely. It sucks so much and it hurts and its so annoying.

Ya Jannah has been noticing some changes, she didn't tell me but whenever I look at her, i see it in her eyes because she has the most expressive eyes i have ever seen. And i also know she has noticed from the frequent calls she gives me whenever I'm out, the way she makes sure I don't skip a meal and how she wakes up from sleep every now and then to make sure I'm asleep.

She's a sweetheart i know, but i hate that she doesn't even give me the chance to cry into my pillow when i feel choked with my strong emotions. I only get that chance in the bathroom when I'm taking my bath. But i want to cry into my pillow because pillows are like confidantes, like a shoulder to cry on, crying always hits differently on them.

I'm tired of writing, no actually I'm tired of everything. I hope this period of heartache ends soon.

—

Amatullah's diary.
June, 2014.

Hello diary,

I think I'm a little bit over-obsessed with Mr handsome and his thoughts and our memories together.

I hate that because i know i should move on already and that always makes me cry because I know I can't just forget about someone who gave me so much to remember so easily, at least not anytime soon. But now i think it's turning into frustration because i realize i waste so many tears, more than I should over a heartbreak.

I cried over it today when i was trying to read for my test, i was quick enough to wipe the tears on my face when Ya Jannah walked into the room, but not quite sharp to hide my almost bloodshed eyes. So she noticed and them came the thousand questions I had been trying so hard to avoid.

I just gave her one answer, that things in school are getting pretty hard and I don't want to fail my first test.

I didn't think she would believe me, but surprisingly she did right away and even offered to help me study. It took everything in me to not let out a sigh of relief that moment.

Believe me, no one wants to get interrogated by Ya Jannah!

But i swear i love her past the moon and beyond the stars. I hope she will not stop loving me, even after she learns about all this in the future.

—

Amatullah's diary.
September, 2014.

Seven months, thirty weeks, two twenty five days. It's been that long since i set my eyes on Mr handsome. If not feeling the urge to cry into my pillow everyday or thinking about him every minute of my day and concentrating more in school count as moving on from a heartbreak then I'm marvelously moving on!