Sound of a Broken Drum

Chapter 7

The cosmic rabbit hole
is where I want to go
The cosmic rabbit hole
is where I find my soul
The cosmic rabbit hole
Does not take away
The cosmic rabbit hole
is what eases all your pain.

A phone call woke me up early in the morning. Very early in the morning. I knew who it was before I picked up.

"Syd..."

"Ma... it's early, Ma..."

"I know but I've been calling and you haven't been picking up. I've been..."

"Worried, yes I know you're worried. That's why I haven't been picking up. Because it's the same conversation again about how you're worried."

"Syd."

"I know, Ma, and I keep telling you I'm fine but you don't listen."

"How's work, Syd?"

"It's fine, like it always is."

"No really Syd, how's work? It's not getting to be too much, is it? Remember you shouldn't..."

"What are your talking about?" I laughed. "Work is actually going great!"

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, Ma. Like I haven't ever been as enthusiastic about going to work as I been lately. I've been talking to Jamal. And Ross."

"Syd? That's..."

"Yes, it's awesome, mom. I'm not even being sarcastic this time. Really. I think... I think I might have even met someone."

"Syd, wow that's... Amazing. I'm so glad to hear that. Oh gosh, I'm sorry, Syd. I just... I just..."

"You just worry too much, Ma. Please stop. That's also why I hadn't been able to call you back lately. Because I've been hanging out."

She sighed heavily. You could feel her breathing through the earpiece.

"It's not healthy for you, mom. To worry like that. I'm fine. Please, just let it go and take some peace time for yourself. Maybe go out and have fun. I think you might be spending too much time sitting at home, worrying. There's so much more going on outside. Once you experience it, you might even forget about me."

"Oh Syd, you stop." She chuckled, breaking her tension. Her voice came through like a sharp crack. She took a few more breaths to calm down. I think for once, maybe she was actually seeing things my way.

"Syd, please again, if anything does come up... But okay. Okay..."

"Yes and thank you Ma. I love you, like I always do. But please take care."

"I love you too Syd. I'm so happy to hear about the person. Is it... A she? Or..."

I chuckled a little bit. It was funny. I never realized that my mom wasn't sure about that. I guess in my entire life, it was never obvious.

"Yasss mom. Her name is Charlotte."

"Charlotte... That's a beautiful name."

"That's what I told her."

You could tell my mom was near tears. She wasn't crying but the sound of her voice said it. Her breathing struggled to keep composure. She sniffled, exuding a hint of joy that almost felt like my mom was recapturing the youth she had to give up so quickly in her life. Before, even when she wasn't really sad, she never sounded truly happy either or didn't show it. For once, her joy was actually breaking through.

"I bet she's wonderful..."

"I can't wait for you to meet her."

"Syd... you sound so different to me now. So much... happier. So different from before. Because that's what always worried me. Your tone. You never sounded like you actually meant what you were saying. Like it always sounded like you were just saying it so I would hear it. But now... I can tell you are actually happy."