To Be Young And In Love In New York City

Chapter 12: "I Will Personally Cut Off Your Balls"

* Trigger Warning: Body Dysmorphia *

There are many wonderful things on earth. The mountains, the oceans, the clouds, the sky, the buildings of New York. But despite all these, nothing fascinated Jay as much as stars did. Something about this floating ball of gas, far, far away from him brought him immense joy. His hand went up to his necklace, tracing the gold stars embedded into it as he looked at a real one, sitting on his roof.

His phone next to him chimed and the name 'Niki' appeared on the screen. His heart skipped a beat, something it had been doing every time he was around her. A smile made its way on his face as he began to read the text. It was an image of the same star he was looking at. The image did a miserable job at capturing its beauty, it looked like a plain, white dot against the blurry night sky. Right below it, a single text:

Niki: Found a star tonight :)

Jay: I'm looking at it right now.

For a moment, he thought. They were both looking at the same thing, though miles apart. He hoped to find a reflection of her face in the star, only to chuckle at the stupid thought because the star was after all, no mirror. He wondered what expression her face held at that exact moment. Was she smiling? Or did the star not impress her as much as it did him? What thoughts were going through her mind? If only he knew.

A lot of thoughts were going through Niki's brain. That part of her knew no peace, it was constantly running. It was chaotic, depressing, happy, but it was always something. Never nothing.

At that the moment, one thing was consuming her: Rebecca's words.

She's so big!

Was she really big?

Walking towards the mirror, she studied her reflection. Her body. All of a sudden, her hips felt too wide, her arms looked too big and her thighs too thick. The love she had carefully collected for herself over the past few years felt like it was slipping out, and become a victim of destruction by her thoughts. Rebecca's voice, her words, swirled in her head.

No, she told herself. No, you cannot go down this road. Not again. No.

She shook her head and looked away from the mirror. The more she tried to shush the voice in her head, the voice she knew too well, the more it tried to get her attention.

"Niki?"

She stopped dead in her tracks and jerked her head to look at the guest standing in her doorway. Colette. She suddenly felt conscious of her hands over her eyes, when they went up there she didn't know, and dropped them. Discreetly wiping away the bead of sweat that dripped down the side of her face, she plastered a smile. "H-hey....Colette, hey. What's up?"

Concern filled Colette's face. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm totally fine, I just have a mild headache."

"Oh. Will you be okay? You want me to stay home?"

Niki let out a nervous chuckle. "What? No! No! Of course not. I'll be fine, it's just a headache. I'll just eat dinner and go to sleep."

"Okay. By the way, how do you like my dress?" She gave her a huge grin as she twirled around, her small red dress with her.

Niki smiled at her. "It looks great! You should pair it with a denim jacket."

"Ooh, good idea! I'll do that. Oh and I wanted to ask you, you're okay with me and River going on a date right?"

She knit her eyebrows. "Yeah, why wouldn't I be?"