To Be Young And In Love In New York City

Chapter 16: "A Rainy Day In New York"

CONTENT WARNING: This chapter revolves around Bulimia and Anoerexia Nervosa and will contain graphic scenes that may not be suitable for you. Though this chapter adheres to Wattpad's guidelines placed upon the topic of eating disorders, it still might be triggering. The scenes do not intend to encourage you to follow the footsteps of the character, but rather tell a story. Please click out of the story if it is too much. Crisis resources, linked at the end.

***

The sandwich Niki had gotten up early in the morning for came flooding out of her mouth, going straight into the toilet's bowl. Beads of sweat dripped down the sides of her forehead, every inch of her body aching.

What are you doing?! A voice screamed in her head but she ignored it. She was doing what she had to do: compensate. Compensate for doing the very thing she told herself not to do-binge.

The previous night, she brought her scale out to measure herself. It wasn't easy to find; it had been wrapped away in some old box in a discreet corner of her closet. She hadn't used it in a long time, not since she had recovered.

She had contemplated bringing it to New York, after all, it no longer served any purpose to her. But she did anyway. Maybe it would be useful to measure suitcases if they were to take any trips back to their hometown.

If only it were suitcases she was measuring, and not her worth. Carefully putting it on her bedroom floor, she stood on it, placing one feet after the other. She looked at her window, tears welling up in her eyes. Breathing softly, she mustered the courage and looked down.

A singe tear dropped, falling on the bright three-digit number flashing in the monitor. Her eyes tried to make out the number through the blurry tears. She squeezed them hard, more tears streaming down her face and focused on the number.

Sharp pangs of fear jolted through her body.

No. No. No, no, no, no, no. NO!

She wanted a scream.

Her knees dropped to the floor, hands covering her face. Tears came cascading down, and her breathing became ragged. Her heard was pounding, a sharp pain shooting through her head. She wanted to scream. To yell out the pain, to make herself heard, seen. To let everyone see how miserable she was, how much pain she was in. But all she did was place a hand over her mouth, not wanting her cries to be heard by Colette.

Walls in New York were thin.

And there she was, the next day, bent over a toilet in one of the stalls of the empty bathroom in her college, purging the guilt out along with her breakfast. Her breakfast. The two slices of bread that turned into four and then six.

She pushed herself up, trying to stand upright but her week knees kept shaking. Pushing the bathroom door open, she made her way to the sink, washing herself. Her eyes were stained red; too much crying had taken place.

She tried to smile, but it looked fake with no hint of happiness in it. Sighing, she dropped it and cultivated a neutral expression. Hopefully, no one would see her or talk to her.

*

Colette shut her laptop close. "Finally," She groaned, exhaling.

"Finally what?" Hazel asked, approaching her. Her new black apron with 'Lily' written on it looked perfect on her. She put her notepad and pen on the table Colette was seated at, and took a seat opposite to her.

"I finally finished my 5000 word essay. Ugh, I can relax now."

"That's perfect, because it means we can go shopping tomorrow!"