DAMAGED // spencer reid

12

Blinding light clouds my vision as I slowly force my eyes open. Everything hurts, especially the pounding in my head. The fluorescent lights above me are what is causing me to squint. They look just like the ones at the morgue, causing me to jolt upright in fear that I'm still being held by Dr. Johnson. My body screams in pain when I do this, but I'm desperate to escape his clutches.

"Woah, Addie! Calm down, you're safe!" A person says beside me, standing up to gently restrain me. After a second I notice it's JJ, and I'm in a hospital room rather than the morgue. I relax slightly, allowing her to lay me back in my bed.

"What happened?" I ask, my voice dry.

"Dr. Johnson is dead. You're at the hospital in Virginia," she replies softly. I exhale shakily, the details flooding back to me.

"You had a few bruised ribs, a dislocated wrist and a mild concussion. You also had to get stitches on your forehead. Other than that, you're good as new," JJ gives a small chuckle. I offer a weak grin in response.

"And Willow?" I ask.

"She's fine, she's been staying over at my house. Apparently her and Henry have become fast friends."

"That's good, thank you," I breathe. I hear a knock on the doorframe and see Spencer standing at the entrance, a cup of coffee in his hand. He looks tired, the eye bags under his eyes are more prominent than usual. But to me, he still looked amazing.

"I'll give you two some space," JJ says, getting up and giving Spencer a small pat on the arm as she walks past him and out of the room. Spencer hesitantly takes JJ's chair next to my bed.

"Stop."

"What?" He questions alarmingly.

"I know what you're going to say."

"But I haven't said anything."

"Well I still know what you're going to say. This isn't your fault."

"It is, though. And I'm so, so sorry," he mumbles, placing his head in his hands. I sigh.

"You couldn't have known. Nobody did. And look at me, I'm fine."

"Your definition of 'fine' is not the same as mine."

"Well I am. Fine, that is."

"I was supposed to go there with you. I was supposed to be there to protect you,"
Spencer says with a pained expression, mostly to himself.

"I don't need anybody to protect me."

"I'm sorry for being so stubborn," he continues, ignoring my comment, "I said some really stupid things the other night that I didn't mean, I hope you know that."

"I know, Spence. Me too," I whisper, taking his hand in mine. We sit there in awkward silence before I remember that he's not big on skin-to-skin contact, so I quickly release his hand. I notice that we both flush slightly.

"I've been checking on Willow everyday, she's having a lot of fun at JJ's," Spencer clears his throat, interrupting our silence.

"I'm glad." His words bring a faint smile to my face.

"I, um... I also finished painting her room. I hope you don't mind that I borrowed your keys, but I know you didn't get to finish before you left."

"You did?" I ask in disbelief, tears starting to spring to my eyes for no reason.

"What's wrong? Why are you crying?" His eyes fill with panic.

"Nothing is wrong, I'm just being emotional!" I dramatically moan through my tears. "Thank you for doing that, you didn't have to."

"I don't mind," he responds quietly. Despite all our arguments, Spencer Reid is truly the most wonderful person to ever exist. No matter how angry I was at him, he would always be forgiven. I only wish he knew that.

"Erm, I was talking to the doctor and he said you'll be able to go home tomorrow, strictly bedrest."

"Ugh!" I moan, already dreading it.

The next two weeks passed by extremely slowly. While I stayed at home and took it easy, Spencer would often come by after work or on his days off to play with Willow or bring her to the park. I, on the other hand, was struggling. I didn't admit it to anyone, in fear that I would have to stay home longer, but I felt myself slipping away. I started feeling sad and lonely, even if I was surrounded by others, and I lost my appetite. I put on a happy face, especially for Willow, but I didn't know what was wrong with me. Well, I had a pretty good idea: I was depressed. I think everything just hit me at once, from my parents dying to adopting a child to almost being killed. I couldn't help but feel a little hopeless. I honestly just wanted to get back to work, staying in my apartment was making me go even crazier. The good news is that Ms. Harmon agreed to be a full-time nanny, she's retired and doesn't get to see her grandkids that often, so she enjoys her time with Willow.

"You okay?" Spencer asked that night as the three of us squeezed onto my couch. We were watching Monsters Inc. for the fourth time that week, it was Willow's new favorite. I simply nod and smile at him, I don't need to tell Spencer everything that's going on with me. All he'll do is worry and continue to tread lightly around me, something that I absolutely hate. As much as I love Spencer, I'm not used to someone being that involved in my life. Although he's my closest friend, I still have a lot of personal boundaries that I want to keep intact. Spencer just looks at me unbelievingly and squeezes my hand gently. I feel my heart start to palpitate quicker at our contact, even though I look over and see that he is unfazed. Great, I think sarcastically, I'm totally getting friend zoned. Not that I want to be anything more with Spencer, it would be a truly awful idea, but the little spark that ignites within me whenever I am near him is harder to get rid of than I thought. Even if he did feel the same way, which he definitely doesn't, things would become awkward and our relationship would be forever ruined. Spencer is too important to me for that to happen, so I vow to myself right then and there to always keep our relationship platonic