DAMAGED // spencer reid

26

Addie's POV:

It was another month before I finally went back to work. A month without seeing Spencer. It was torture, but I know I brought it upon myself. I deserved torture, I deserved pain and suffering after losing our baby and pushing him away. But I knew that no matter how painful, I made the right decision. Spencer deserves someone who can give him everything he wants in life, and it's not like he's ever wanted a lot. Only a family... children of his own. That's the only thing he's ever wanted, but how can I promise that in the future when I took it away from him in the first place?

I shake these thoughts out of my head, smoothing out my shirt as the elevator dings open and I walk into the BAU. I immediately hear a loud "POP" and nearly jump out of my skin, flinching away from the noise.

"Welcome back!" The team shouts as confetti from the confetti poppers falls all around us. Somehow my eyes always find their way to Spencer first, who's standing near the back. He frowns at my jumpy demeanor.

"We've missed you so much, my love!" Garcia gushes, rushing forward to give me a big hug.

"Thank you guys, this is really sweet," I smile, hugging everyone except for Spencer. I can't help but wonder if he's told them that we separated. Penelope follows me to my desk, catching me up on all the office gossip.

"Did you know that Ted from forensics cheated on his wife with the new intern? Yeah, it was insane, his wife literally burst into the office and started screaming!" She says, obviously finding joy in the drama.

"Really? Wow, it seems like I missed all the good stuff," I joke as we reach my desk and I set my things down. I reach down to open my desk drawer with the intention of putting some of the case files left on the top of my desk in there. A box wrapped in ribbon sits inside the drawer, so I take it out and examine it. Penelope notices it in my hands, her eyes going wide with panic.

"Don't open that!" She exclaims, trying to snatch it away. JJ comes over to us, her eyes also widening when she sees what is in my hand, causing her to quicken her pace across the bullpen.

"What? Why?" I reply, holding it out of her reach. I open up the present, expecting it to be some sort of welcome-back gift or even one of Morgan's practical jokes. But I physically get the wind knocked out of me when I see a pair of tiny, yellow baby shoes sitting inside.

"I'm so sorry, Addie, I totally forgot we put it in there! I meant to get rid of it before you got back, I swear!" Garcia apologizes, a horrified look on both her and JJ's faces.

"What's going on over here?" Hotch asks, bringing the rest of the team over. I hardly notice, though, because I'm too focused on the baby shoes. My baby's shoes.

"I need to use the restroom, excuse me," I whisper, rushing away before the others can say anything. I lock myself in a stall, trying to slow my breathing. I feel like I'm hyperventilating as flashbacks from my captivity with Todd begin to arise, only reminding me of what it led to. What it destroyed.

"Addie? It's JJ, are you okay?" A voice hesitantly calls out. It snaps me back to reality, and I realize that I'm in the bathroom rather than a cabin in the woods.

"I'm fine, I just... I just need a minute, okay?"

"Okay, I just want to make sure and apologize for what happened. When you're ready we are meeting in the conference room for a case, take your time," she responds, leaving without waiting for me to answer. I dab at the tears forming in my eyes, taking a few last deep breaths before composing myself and exiting the restroom. I notice that the box with the shoes has been taken away from my desk as I walk past it and toward the conference room.