Lingering Memories| Tiktok BxB Oneshots

Jaden x Blake💧

Temporary Nothing by:Mxmtoon

"How does it feel to feel nothing at all I wonder"

Jaden was hopelessly in love, with someone who'd never love him back. Blake Gray, the straightest guy he'd ever met. Of course out of any other guy influencer he could've fallen for, he chose Blake Gray. And he wanted to forget all about him, he wanted to feel nothing towards him, no emotions at all. 

Which is how he ended up getting the pills. 

It'd be dumb to stop feeling emotions just because you didn't want to love someone, that's an ignorant thing to do. He did have other issues. Jaden was depressed, very depressed. He'd been depressed when he was younger, 2 1/2 years ago he was at the lowest point he'd ever been in his life. That's when he started TikTok, it was just something fun for him to do. Something that gave him a little bit a joy, and when he started gaining followers his depression got better. Scratch that, he wasn't depressed at all.

Until he moved to Sway, the Sway members were all lovely people. He loved them and they were his best friends, but it was the fact that everyone else hated them. No one liked Sway. The Clubhouse hated them, the Hype House hated them, other tiktokers hated them, youtubers hated them, the fans of those hated them. And being there just made his mental health decline rapidly because he felt like everyone hated him, he knew it wasn't the case. He knew deep down that he had fans but it just seemed like everyone else in L.A didn't.

He didn't feel like he fit into Sway, it was like the crazy party house. Jaden would rather sit in his room and smoke and get high then be at a party, he wasn't crazy like Josh, Bryce, Noah and Blake. He felt out of place, even more so since Quinton had moved back home. 

His huge crush on Blake was not even the highest of his concerns but it made him irritated that he was so hopelessly in love with someone who wouldn't love him back. 

He was so depressed that he'd been having suicidal thoughts again, and this was the only way he'd thought to fix it.

"I imagine it's grey, like the world had suddenly lost it's color"

He'd found someone to give him some pills, they weren't anti-depressants. They were called dryxychlorafin, or nothing pills. The woman who'd given them to him said that they would make you stop feeling all emotions for a specific time period. There was pills that worked for a day, a week, a month, a year and forever.

He'd bought the ones for a day and a week originally. And they worked, he didn't feel anything at all. It was such a relief, he wasn't suicidal while he was on them and he didn't have any love toward Blake.

But he couldn't feel happiness either, or anything towards his friends, he just felt like he was going through the motions. He felt like he was living life in a black and white photo, a mix of grey, everything was plain. But he'd take that over thinking about hanging himself or fucking Blake everyday.

He'd been taking the ones for days, but whenever he was off of them he felt awful. He couldn't make it a day without them, if he didn't have them he would cut himself. If he didn't have them he would stay in bed all day. He needed them to function. He was addicted to the feeling they gave him, he was addicted to feeling temporary nothing.

So he started taking the pills for the week, just because he only had to take them once a week and he'd be fine.

" Feelings are painful and I don't want to suffer through"

Jaden had basically been isolating himself from his friends unknowingly. He was still there physically but they couldn't even talk to him. He never smiled, he never frowned, he never showed any ounce of emotion. He didn't care when they were suffering, or he didn't bother to help them out.