Journal
Vallyk POV: (one of their friends/cousin)
A bunch of us are moving in together, Mike, Derek, Kobe, and some more of us. We all could not be more excited to move in together. Right now we're at Derek's house, helping him pack up his stuff. It's Me, Mike and Derek who are helping since I'm his cousin and Mike's his best friend. He lives in Pennsylvania and he's leaving his family to live with us in Las Vegas. So we're helping. He left and ran to get fast food since we've been here all day. We're putting stuff in boxes and low-key also raking through his stuff to see if we can find any dirt on him. We haven't found anything but we're still looking through stuff.
He'd already packed up all his clothes and shoes but there's some stuff in his closet that I'm putting up for him. He has a box on the floor of his closet, stacked up under a bunch of games and stuff. I open the box, it has a bunch of pens, two notebooks and a couple of trinkets. "Hey Mike, look what I found" I say as I drop it on the bed. "Ooh does Derek keep a diary" he laughs as he picks up a journal and opens it, it's full of drawings. They're actually really good, but not what we're looking for.
He pulls open the next one "Bingo" he smirks as he looks at one of the middle pages. I pull it from his hands and flip through some of them, I stop when I see the word crush on the top of the page. I stop and start to read it.
Crush
This is so wrong. Why do I feel like this? I shouldn't be feeling this way, especially not towards the person who I like. I need help, I need someone to tell me this isn't okay. But no one knows, and I'm never gonna tell anyone. I like Mike and I can't control it. It's getting hard to hold off my feelings when all I want to do is kiss him when we hang out. He thinks all of it's a joke, he thinks it's for the fans and the ships, but I'm falling in love with him. Of course I won't tell him, I know he thinks it's wrong and disgusting. Fuck, I think I'm disgusting with me too. We're We queerbait the fans while being homophobic, and it's a stab in the chest to actually be developing feelings for him. Hell, I wish someone would stab me in the chest at this point, I wish that Jesus would give me pneumonia so I could die from that. I want to go to heaven at the end of my life and now I'm crying over the fact that I'm not. God I wanna run away from him and makeout with him at the same time. Fuck I hate myself.
"Mike you might wanna look at this" I say slowly as I hand him the book. He grabs it and laughs "Derek has a crush" he laughs. "Yeah and I think you might wanna see who it is" I say, I watch as his eyes glaze over the words on the pages
Mike's POV:
I read the page, excited to see who he likes. The excited slowly changes to anger as I finish the page. "What the fuck!" I yell as I close the book, "He's a fucking fag and he has a crush on ME!" I yell. "Mike, just calm down a little bit." Vallyk says calmly. "Calm down! How would you feel if he had a crush on YOU" I yell back. "Irrelevant, he's my cousin." he sighs, and as if on cue Derek enters the room.
"I went to Sonic and picked up some food" he says, then looking at me, then looking at the book in my hands. "um, d-did you guys read that" he asks, gesturing towards the book in my hands. "Yeah we fucking read it and WHAT THE HELL'S WRONG WITH YOU"I yell, "M-Mike, let me explain" he says as he places down the bags. "There's nothing to explain! You're a fag and by the way I don't like you back! IN FACT, YOU'RE FUCKING DISGUSTING" raising my voice with each sentence. "AND You think I didn't know that! There's a reason why I wasn't gonna tell you, I'm grossed out too!" he yells back.
"Guys can you just calm down and talk this out instead of yelling" Vallyk says.
"Shut up!" we both yell back. "YOU'RE A FUCKING FAG" I scream, "YES I AM. BUT IN CASE YOU CAN'T READ, I'M TRYING TO GET OVER IT" he screams back.
Derek POV:
It's like he's not aware that I'm thoroughly dissapointed in MYSELF. He doesn't understand how much I hate myself and have actively tried to repress this part of me. He has no fucking idea what I'm going through. He acts like I tried to makeout with him or have sex with him when in reality the plan was to go to a church and pray the fucking gay away. And I know it sounds cheesy and shit but that was the actually plan for me.
I kinda zoned out from what he was saying but I snapped back in when he slapped me in my fucking face. Okay that's it, I punch him back. This turns into a full fledged fight, and Mike's winning. Vallyk's in the middle of us trying to stop us from fighting but ends up getting punched accidentally and then backs off. With a swift punch to my face and then a punch in my gut I hit the floor, and I can't get back up again. He won.
"You know what, you can unpack your shit and stay here" he yells as he walks out my room. Vallyk runs after him "Mike don't you think you're being unresonable" he yells. I hear the door slam and then he's back at my side again. "Look, I'm sorry. But I'm not gonna be able to change his mind, you can stay here or you can still move in. He can't just tell you that you can't come with us. Being bi or gay is still a sin but I'll still love you no matter what since you're my friend and my cousin. I can't say the same for Mike though"
I just don't understand, he's been my best friend for so long and it all just changed in one day. I lost him forever, all because of these stupid feelings I didn't even want.
@vallykpena @slimedupmike @derektrendz
1.2k words. Slightly sad but yeah, two in a day. There you go. Also I've been binge watching D'Angelo Wallace today and he's really smart and cute. AND 21 FUCK
🎵My whole family thinks I'm gay what do they know anyway
Even my boyfriend thinks I'm gay...motherfucker
But I'm as straight as a ramp, if you don't count bible camp🎵
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