Letting Go [complete - expanding chapters during rewrite]

Chapter Eight Point Three

    When we get home I follow him into his room to massage him. First he takes a shower. I busy myself looking around at his room. There's a picture of a woman at his bedside. He clears his throat, and I realize he's finished and lying face down on the bed.  I start by touching his lower back gently and then move down his butt to his right leg.  I lean in to smell him, feeling intoxicated.
    "Jessa was gentle and kind. She felt so strongly about everything. We weren't married, did you know that? We decided to wait. Jessa wanted a big wedding. Maybe if we hadn't I could have been with her through the bond, in her heart at the end, comforting her. They crushed my spine and left me for dead. I had to lay there and listen...Anyway that's why I couldn't wait for our marriage. I couldn't risk that you...and then you didn't seem to care. I called Jessa's friend Carmen after we met,". I didn't want to listen to this part. "Just to talk, I wanted to feel closer to Jessa. She convinced me to stage that scene the next morning. It was all an act. I wanted to get your attention, and I got angry when you didn't seem to care."
    What?
    "But then I felt you crying later and I was ashamed. So ashamed I couldn't look at you. I avoided you for days after the marriage.
Remembering the sorrow and loneliness I felt I hesitate.  I'd given up my dream carrier for this chance at a family, and he spit on it.  Finally I take a deep breath and say what he wants to hear.   "I forgive you." With that I started massaging him again.
    Hearing me he flipped over, and my hands which had been massaging his butt were now on his —. I shove them behind my back.
    "But you alienated me from my parents." I tell him.
    "They were so mad. I tried to smooth things out with them, but they were just too hurt. I'm sorry, that's my fault."
    Mom had liked him, but in talking to them he'd turned them away from me.
    Suddenly he pushes himself up with one hand, and hooks the other around my neck pulling me down into a kiss. I could feel his lips, and through the bond my lips. Our pleasure magnified in our sharing of it. I move onto him, straddling his waist, and we continue kissing.  I was doing this to have a family.